There was a time, not that long ago, that I allowed other people to hold the remote control to my emotional state.
Looking back I imagine myself as a puppet on a string. One string pulled here would make me angry, one string pulled there would scare the life out of me, another string would give me massive anxiety.
I’m not saying I’m completely unaffected by other people. I hope I never get to a space where I don’t care about the world and how we are all living in it, but I’ve worked hard and learned some valuable lessons that have freed me from puppet status.
My mom has told me for years that what comes out of a persons mouth is more about them than me. It was always a good reminder and helped me to see situations differently, but I was never able to fully assimilate this into my reality. Last night as I was getting a stream of hateful texts with personal attacks that would have made my head swim in the past, I proudly carried on being me.
Which brings me the next realization…
I now let others to show me who they are instead of allowing them to tell me who I am. Let that one sink in for a minute, because it’s huge.
I started seeing other people for who they are showing the world they are. Nasty words, temper tantrums, hateful comments, bad behaviour, selfish choices, gossip, and dishonesty only tell us who that person is, it has nothing to do with us. It tells us that person isn’t safe because they have shut their heart down for business. Beautiful people with open hearts don’t, and can’t, operate in the world this way… these are my people.
And that leads us to the next one…
Allow those people with closed hearts to fall out of your life. It’s hard to do because we are used to begging for their approval. Don’t go chasing them, don’t try to heal them or open their hearts, don’t defend or engage, don’t try to fix whats not yours to fix.
We each have our own mountain to live on. Our mountain is made up of our beliefs, our world views, our values, and our lessons. The most powerful and helpful thing we can do is allow our light to shine from our mountain to illuminate the path for others. Light up the whole damn mountain if you can, but don’t go trying to climb someone else’s. Allow them to be on their journey so they receive their life lessons.
And finally, there are certain things we don’t compromise on or negotiate. Personal boundaries are never compromised. My worth is never up for negotiation with you (I stole this from Brene Brown because it’s awesome). I do love good feedback, but I’m not negotiating my self worth, I struggle enough with that on my own.
Moments like last night are a mixed bag. I feel so sad remembering the person I used to be when I received hateful words from someone else. But the progression I’ve made brings me so much happiness.
Progression is everything in the journey… one foot in front of the other, one step further than before, one more piece figured out, a little bit smarter than I was before, and pretty soon I’m holding the remote control and the strings that used control me now connect me. That’s a little something to celebrate.