My mom has always told me that most feelings of anger and resentment stem from blame, and it’s true. Usually when you’re feeling badly about someone else it’s because you are blaming them for something, but here is something else I learned recently.
Blame means you aren’t seeing the situation for what it is from a neutral standpoint. You have an agenda, you have an attachment to the outcome, and you have insecurities or doubts below the surface.
I used to think antithesis of blame was taking personal responsibility for the way things turn out, but it’s not. Acceptance, is. Faith is. Understanding that everything is happening as it should, instead of expecting it to happen the way you think it should. These are the antithesis to blame.
Personal responsibility still plays a role. If you aren’t taking action and doing all you can do, that doesn’t work, so it is step one, but as long as you are solid in the role you’ve played, then acceptance of the outcome and faith that things are happening the way they need to for the greater plan, is the next step. Not blame. If you aren’t solid in your role, then you learn what you could do better next time.
Why is it important to understand blame?
When you’re blaming anything for the way things are turning out, you’re giving away your power. It leaves you in victim mode and feeling helpless.
You can’t create the life you want if you are powerless to do so.
You also can’t create the life you want if you are expecting someone, or something, else to do it for you. It’s your life and you are in charge.
When someone else is blaming you for something, you have to understand that is not about you. This is really hard to see because it is always in direct relation to who you are, or something you have done, or didn’t do.
What comes out of a persons mouth is more about them, than it is about you.
The blame game gives you huge insight into what’s happening inside of someone else. It tells you what they think about themselves, and their actions, and who they are, it means they have the agenda, attachment, or insecurities and doubts…they have given away their power, or they haven’t done their due diligence.
Don’t accept their blame or take it personally no matter what it’s about. It isn’t about you.
This isn’t always easy. I know all of this and I still struggle with the application. Sometimes I blame the person who’s doing the blaming for being a blame-er, and give away my power again.
Knowledge is power. Once you notice the bad feelings, then you can start to do something about it.
Just watch out for blame…the only power it has it the power you give it.
Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. ― Lao Tzu