We were gifted with agency.
No matter what, no matter how trapped we feel, or how impossible things seem, we always have a choice and we can do what we want to do.
That means that even though it’s the right thing to do, we don’t have to be considerate, we don’t have to be kind, we don’t have to follow the rules. We simply don’t.
Agency is a gift.
Respecting another persons agency only makes sense. And yet we don’t always do it.
When you don’t respect another persons agency and tell them what they should do or put limitations on their choices, you are setting yourself up for a disaster (especially with teenagers, but also in marriages and friendships).
You might be forcing them to lie to you.
It’s entirely possible you won’t be able to live with their choices because they don’t align with your morals or values. You will have a decision to make, but don’t fool yourself into thinking you can take away their agency.
At the end of the day you need to decide if you can live with the choices they are making… if it’s not a moral issue, maybe what they want/need isn’t as scary as you think it will be.
In which case you will both grow.