I see a lot of people my age who seem to have so much more than me.
I have detoured off my path so many times. My line from there to here has been anything but straight.
At horse events I see amazing people who have been learning and helping horses for the last 20 years while I was raising babies… and I feel like I’ve been left behind.
I notice people who have 100’s of thousands of people reading their blog everyday. They have been learning and helping people and have built a tribe who is commenting and sharing their thoughts. They have several products they have built including courses, and books, and masterminds… and I wonder if I was too late.
I see couples who have been married for years and were able to keep their families together. They have beautiful homes and go on lovely family vacations, and eat Sunday dinner together… and I can’t imagine starting over again.
I see women in their 40’s who are super fit and healthy. They have so much energy and look so great.
While I don’t see myself at the bottom of the pack, I do notice that I’m not leading it in any area.
If comparison is the thief of joy then I should be griping about how unfair my life has been, how it hasn’t turned out the way I thought it would, and how it’s been hard to keep anything together. I could make that story sound really believable.
But that’s not the story I want to tell.
I want to tell a story of triumph and success.
I want to be as good as I can be in spite of all that has gone wrong or set me back.
I want to look back one day and feel grateful for the journey because its made me who I am.
And I want to feel the same way over and over that I felt the other day, when a friend of mine told me how she felt inspired by me.
I’ve always admired the winners. Comparing myself to others keeps me moving forward. It helps me to see what is possible and where my life can take me if I keep moving forward.
I hope that one day all of the detours and different paths I’ve taken will come together at a junction where it all makes sense, where they fit together like pieces in a puzzle. But I’m not there yet. And I wonder what my role is in bringing it all together.
But I’m not there yet. So until then, I’m going to keep collecting the pieces.