I am terrible at goodbyes. Like really really bad. I always have been.
I remember going to my grandparents house when I was young for sleepovers and being so choked up when it was time to leave I couldn’t even speak…Sometimes it was all I could do to get “thank you” out or the floodgates would have opened.
As I’ve grown older, I’m beginning to understand it is all in my perception.
Sometimes I still need my mom to remind me of this. She will say, “It’s not goodbye Jodi, it’s not goodbye”.
And then I remember…We are always connected by an invisible red thread.
The only time I can’t feel that connection is when my thoughts and fears get in the way of feeling it.
Sometimes my mind starts making up stories about things I’ve said or done, and it brings up in me feelings of shame (not feeling worthy of love and connection because I am flawed) and I tangle up the thread.
After I talk myself back down out of the tree, or reach out to someone I trust and they meet me with love and empathy, the thread untangles and the connection comes back alive again.
It is always there…sometimes I just have to allow myself to feel it.