I spent a solid 15 years of my adult life trying to fix myself.
In my quest for perfection I kept coming up ‘less than perfect’ and thinking it was because something was wrong with me.
If someone said stop overthinking, I would make a mental note to fix that. If someone said you’re trying too hard, I would think that needed to be fixed. When we were broke, I tried to fix myself. When my husband wanted to be elsewhere I wondered what was wrong with me.
I saw myself as broken and needing to be fixed.
Then I slowly started to see the journey for what it is, a path of healing and discovery.
We aren’t broken at all.
We are afraid of ourselves and each other. We are afraid of the painful feelings that come from rejection, and failure, and the shame of screwing up.
We are wounded from the words of others, the thoughts we have about ourselves, and tragedy we’ve had to face.
But that doesn’t make us broken.
That means we need to heal. Underneath all of the mud and muck, the pain and the suffering, the emotional triggers and the limiting beliefs, we are whole and beautiful creatures of light who are meant to love and be loved.
We need to be curious, constantly looking for what it is trying to teach us and the whys behind it all. What can I learn from this? Why is this affecting me? Why am I triggered by that? Why did I eat so many cookies this winter? (Ok maybe that one doesn’t fit)
Our focus needs to be on continuously healing the wounds. If you think you’re “there”, it just means you’ve settled in your comfort zone and it’s time to try something new.
Perfect doesn’t exist. I hadn’t ever thought about this until Seth Godin pointed it out on a recent podcast. He talks of a scientist in Australia who is trying to make the perfect 1 kilogram sphere with micro silicone beads. It will be off by at least a few atoms, it will have slightly imperfect edges because perfect doesn’t exist. It will be the roundest sphere ever made, and it will still not be perfect.
I still catch myself thinking I’m broken, but now when I catch it, I self correct. It used to be my way of life.
I appreciate imperfections in others, especially when they stop trying to hide them.
I am drawn to people who are honest about their humanity and speak from their heart.
I love real people and real conversations.
I want to be more like that.
Care to join me?