“If you don’t have something nice to say, it’s better to say nothing at all.”
Except when you feel like what you have to say is really valid.
There was a time I would try to keep my mouth shut, but eventually keeping all of those words and emotions inside of me would cause me to lash out and say it all at once.
I did that for a few years, but every time I would feel tremendous regret for the things I said.
Once I realized that the regret was too painful I quit lashing out, I quit talking, and I stuffed my feelings into a hole and shut down.
I was shut down for a long time.
Shut down isn’t a great place to be, but it does serve its purpose.
I didn’t have to compromise the person I wanted to be, I didn’t say things I felt bad about later, I didn’t cause any problems, and there was no fighting (I hate conflict).
The problem with being shut down is how you feel inside. You feel like a piece of you has died because you don’t express yourself, your opinions, your wishes or desires.
Speaking up and being vulnerable is met with conflict and resistance instead of love and support…so you don’t speak up and you certainly can’t be vulnerable.
All of the parts that bring more life to life stay dormant because you feel unimportant, invalidated and unheard.
But then I realized the power of getting to neutral.
Instead of keeping everything inside and shutting down, I learned how to neutralize the emotions behind what I needed to say.
This requires a bit of work and some time but keeps the intention of speaking up and validating how you feel alive.
You have to let go of your attachment to the outcome, sometimes easier said than done, but you have to find a way to be ok with whatever happens next.
You have to sort out why it’s making you emotional and come to terms with it, lots of times we fear losing something or someone…if that’s the case be sure to question if it will truly be a loss and also look at what you have to gain.
You have to find the right words that describe your side of the story without blame or criticism.
Once the emotional charge is gone and you are neutral you can say whatever you need to.
The power of getting to neutral is huge.
You can make better decisions, you can have harder conversations, and you can keep the little spark inside of you alive (at least until you find safety to express it fully).
“Being relaxed, at peace with yourself, confident, emotionally neutral, loose, and free-floating—these are the keys to successful performance in almost everything you do.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer