I didn’t read a lot when my kids were little, but I did pick up the occasional book. I loved romances and love stories. They gave me a really unhealthy view of what love should look like, and that worked well with my tendency to feel like a victim, because my life was definitely not built on a fairytale.
Eventually I decided that love stories were only real in movies and make believe and that fairytales were only a figment of someone’s imagination. I’m not entirely sure where I stand on that subject these days, but I can give you a long list of reasons why being a single parent rocks.
Something I always found intriguing about a novel was the way they would describe the way someone’s facial expression. “His eyes darkened”, “her seductive smile”, “a glimmer of hope washed across the child’s face”, “there was a flash of anger in his eyes”.
I didn’t have the context in my life to bring up the visual when I read those parts, so they always jumped out at me, and I took it upon myself to start paying more attention to the look in someone’s eye or the emotion on their face.
And it opened up a whole new world.
I was already in tune to what people were feeling and the energy in the air. I would assess that within seconds of walking into a room as a survival method. I was constantly seeking safety, and if there was the slightest note tension, stress, anger, or any unsafe feelings in the air I would immediately put my defensive walls up.
Reading faces gave me insight into what was going on behind the scenes and I can pick up what’s happening in another person quickly, sometimes before they do depending on their level of self awareness.
Over the years it has become an important nuance. I watch other people intently. I see so much of myself in another’s eyes. They really are the window to the soul.
When someone is at peace inside their face is soft and relaxed, and their eyes are kind and loving.
When someone is trying hard they have an earnest look on their face and their eyes are fixed on the situation trying to take it all in.
When someone is engaging with you, they are locked in and listening intently. When they are distracted or uninterested, you don’t have their attention and it’s unlikely the conversation is going anywhere.
You can see the second you say something that someone doesn’t agree with, their whole demeanour will change.
The more aware you become of your own response and reactions, the more you will see it in others.
Once you start to study and detect these nuances you will see the same look in the eyes of an animal, and you will notice the different posture of plants and trees.
There is an enormous secret world of connection, engagement, and insight living within the posture, facial expressions, and eyes of another living being. Watch for it and I think you’ll be amazed.
This is probably the most real life thing I learned from reading those romance novels.