I have written several times about how I thought it was important to be independent and strong.
I told myself for years it wasn’t ok to depend on anyone or be needy. I didn’t want to impose on others and I thought I was totally capable of doing it all.
And I was usually fairly competent and capable.
I didn’t think it was ego making those decisions at the time. I didn’t understand how much ego infiltrates every area of our lives, and I didn’t know that nobody ever fully escapes it…including myself. Learning how my ego shows up has been a journey all in itself.
The problem with this strong and independent attitude is that it blocks connection… and I wanted connection.
Slowly I started testing the waters of connection.
I would leave my heart open instead of closing it off. That is not nearly as easy as it sounds because my knee jerk reaction is to close it and push away and over and over again I have to force myself to stay and lean in.
I’ve been working on it, and the rewards have been great.
The more I admit that I need others and allow myself to be loved, the more they help to lift me back up by filling my heart with love.
And I whole heartedly appreciate my friends and the people who want to support me and wonder why I ever blocked this kind of love in the past.
Life has become so much sweeter now that I don’t have to be strong.
And I feel so blessed to have all of this wind beneath my wings.