We all carry beliefs around with us. Some are fleeting and easily changed and some are so deep rooted we don’t even consciously know they are there, they have just become part of the fabric of who we are.
There are some beliefs we create out of necessity for survival. These beliefs come from our life experience, and we cling to them as truth because we can’t bear to face that the reality could be different.
When I enrolled in Seth Godins marketing seminar this spring, one of the very first lectures was that “marketers are change makers”, and he had us answer the questions, “who do you seek to change” and “what change do you seek to make”.
It stumped me for 6 weeks. I couldn’t move on with the lectures or assignments because everything revolved around the concept of changing someone and I believed this was impossible.
My life experience taught me that you can’t change someone else and I created a firm belief around it. I had to use this belief for survival (and sanity) and it was so strong that I blocked out any nuance or exception to it.
I had no idea how much this belief was holding me back in life.
If I hadn’t paid for the seminar I would have walked away from it. But I kept going back. After a lot of soul searching I finally realized I had this underlying belief around change and I messaged Seth Godin to gain some clarity.
“…Since it keeps coming back to the trifecta over and over… I really need clarity on what we are referring to… this one belief has skewed the whole seminar for me because I have been so stuck trying to figure out how to apply it to the work I am doing… all the while not believing it was possible to do. What is it about the person we are trying to change if we can’t change the person? Not their beliefs…Not their worldview or persona…Not who they ARE…Then what? And how?”
I really wanted him to tell me I was right, that you can’t change another person. But instead he came back with nuance.
“Has the world (the culture, the marketers, the people you interact with) ever changed you? Not the fabric or spine of who you are, but the way you express it? Has an outside force ever made it easier for you to change your mind, or achieve a dream or fulfill a desire? Once you see how it has worked for you, you can begin to imagine how you could do it for others.”
It is very hard to see something in yourself, when you have social proof from watching others that it isn’t possible.
It is dramatically hard to allow a belief to crumble that you have depended on for survival, it feels like a part of you, or someone else, might die if you let down your guard around it.
It feels impossible to admit that there could be exceptions to a survival belief, or to see it through a different lens because you had to believe it, and use it, and lean heavily on it to power through some really hard times.
But you can do it.
It’s really not that pretty to crumble beliefs. There are a lot of tears, and anguish, and battles on the inside.
But once you see these beliefs from a new lens, and in a new light, the whole world changes.
I am learning and discovering that you can bring positive change to people who are seeking change, who are open to change, and who are ready for it.
I was changed, and now I believe others can change too.
What is the change I’m seeking to make?
I want to help people get their insides “right”.
When the inside is right, you are unstoppable, and can live the life of your dreams.
What underlying beliefs do you have that are holding you back?