I don’t know one person who likes a liar.
Typically in conversation, if the subject of lying comes up someone will pipe up and say it’s one thing they don’t tolerate.
I’ve always been a truth seeker, not so much because I hate lying, but because the truth sets you free. The truth about yourself, your feelings, the situation… all of it. Once you get to the bottom of that usually the whole situation seems different.
Because I’m a truth seeker, I’ve thought a lot about lying.
For a long time lying didn’t really bother me.
We all lie a little bit when we are asked how we are doing but don’t want to get into how we are really doing.
Or maybe we tell a little white lie because we don’t want to do what we are being asked, but we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings.
The most damaging lies we tell are the ones we tell ourselves. I didn’t always consider this on my truth seeking mission, as a matter of fact I completely overlooked it.
When we lie to ourselves about how we truly feel and whether we are ok or not. We first lie to ourselves, which snowballs into lying to others, and escalated into fabricating stories to others who know us better but have to believe what we are saying.
I lied to myself for years and undoing those lies was one of the hardest mind bending things I’ve ever done. I try very hard to seek out the truth within myself in any situation now.
The other kinds of lies…those ones are equally as damaging. Not as much to our inner self, but to others, our reputation, our relationships, and our character.
When you haven’t found the truth, you might lie to try to strengthen your position in an argument, to boost your status in a situation, to try to cover up what you’ve done, or make another person look bad.
These lies ruin credibility fast. They come from ego and fear and these lies can, and are almost always disputed easily with truth and evidence.
The more you learn to see the world the way it is instead of the way you wish it was, the better job you can do of standing up for truth and integrity.
What is the best way to see the world?
Understand that people aren’t bad, everyone believes they are good, but sometimes people make bad choices and need to be held accountable. Not as punishment, but simply so they will make better, less painful choices next time.
Believe that everyone is doing the best they can with the knowledge, skills, and experience they have… and sometimes you have a lot more than them.
Remember that everyone wants to be loved and appreciated, feel safe, connected, and have somewhere to belong… but almost no one is vulnerable or self aware enough to admit it. Shame is the worst thing to feel because it isolates you from all of those things from the inside out.
Looking through this lens will help you in every area of your life from huge conflicts to intimate love relationships.
It’s the way we are wired.
It brings humanity into the equation and leaves ego at the door.
That’s the truth we all seek.