We sat in front of 3 young women on the plane who were doing a girls trip together.
Two of them had never met before and the one in the middle with perfectly manicured nails, lots of makeup and false eyelashes had brought them together.
I listened to them chat away about things like millionaires clubs, boys, and not washing their hair everyday.
When we landed we talked to them and discussed sharing a cab with them. In the end we decided to ride the train and bid them farewell.
As we gathered at our gate to come home, we saw one of the girls standing by herself.
When asked how the trip was she started to cry and said the other two had consistently ditched her and left her out, and she had been alone the whole time, she wasn’t even sure if they would be sitting with her on the plane.
When we boarded the plane and saw the other two had switched seats and sat with a stranger.
I’ve been that third girl so many times.
Feeling left out and heartbroken.
I wanted to belong to the cool kid group and usually I would choose my friends based on how they looked rather than who they were.
In her shoes I would alienate myself not wanting to do what they were doing, and feeling hurt and alone because they wouldn’t want to do what I wanted to do.
I have often wondered if I had been more vulnerable and open about how I was feeling if I would have saved some friendships instead of abandoning them.
While we were waiting for our luggage the other two girls came over to visit telling us about how it had been such a great trip. They had been clubbing and said they drank way too much and had so much fun.
And I got a moment of clarity.
None of these girls are good or bad people necessarily, although it would seem that way when someone gets alienated and hurt.
They just had completely different priorities.
I was so wrapped up in my insecurities about not belonging and not being included that I was always trying to fit in with the wrong types of people for me, people who valued things I typically veered away from.
If I had instead been ok with who I was and chose people with good hearts and similar interests we would enjoy doing things together and nobody would be left out.
And we would believe in each other.
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson