When you start working with a horse at liberty, you need to wait for communication to be established. There can’t be any communication if the horse couldn’t care less that you exist.
At liberty he is free to do as he pleases.
So you stick with him until he starts asking you a question… it can be “what do you want from me?”, or sometimes it’s “who are you?”, or maybe you might get a “what will you do if I do this?”… whatever the case, they are acknowledging your presence and thinking about how they will relate to you.
If you don’t wait for the question, you just chase him around begging for attention and never get anywhere… that sets the stage for every other encounter.
Once he starts to ask questions, you have communication with him and that’s when something can start happening.
People are the same way. If you want to influence, or make a change or teach someone something, they have to be interested enough to ask the question.
Like a horse, it isn’t always going to be verbal and direct, especially in the beginning… their question could be, “are you trustworthy?”, or “can I count on you?” Or it might be, “do you have a purpose or value in my life?”
If you don’t have clarity in your own life about who you are, what you stand for and don’t stand for, and what you are trying to teach, you can’t answer those questions consistently and you don’t gain trust.
As those questions are answered in the other persons mind, they may start asking other questions.
That’s how relationships are built.
If the other person isn’t asking questions, they aren’t interested in who you are or what you have to say.
I have chased so many people around by not following these rules in my personal relationships.
Trying to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
Trying to sell someone something who isn’t interested.
Trying to date someone who didn’t remember I existed.
Trying to love someone who didn’t think I had value in his life.
Trying to teach someone something who didn’t think the lesson was important.
I think if I had waited for the questions, things would have been different.
I think life is waiting for us to ask the question… “what is it you want from me?”
And although I may or may not know the answer to that question myself… I don’t think the answer is going to be “just sit there, do nothing, and let it pass you by”.