My tendency and survival instinct is to be codependent.
I’m a fixer, an enabler, and an over zealous helper, and I used to think all of this was being supportive.
It’s a pretty dysfunctional type of support.
Mostly it was damage control.
When my life falls apart, my knee jerk reaction is to push people away, then I don’t have to be vulnerable, I can be “strong” and fix it on my own without inconveniencing someone. (This has proven to be a bad solution because 20 minutes later I don’t want them to be away anymore and I’m really in a pickle.)
Because we see the world through our own lens and assume everyone is just like us, I would try to fix other people’s problems before their life fell apart so that they wouldn’t push me away.
Ultimately, codependency was my way of trying to belong and be loved.
As I’ve forced myself learned to lean into vulnerability a little bit instead of push people away, I’m discovering that vulnerability is a more dangerous healthier way to foster love and belonging in relationships.
Now that I’m adjusting my survival mechanisms I am seeing that there is no such thing as pushing someone else away.
We all keep coming back to each other in one way or another.
I love that.