Some people enjoy conflict, or a good debate.
I enjoy harmony.
So I believed that if you “don’t have anything nice to say, you shouldn’t say anything.”
And I bit my tongue and stuffed my feelings all of the time.
In hindsight I can see this didn’t work. It didn’t bring harmony. I was unconsciously giving others permission to treat me poorly and I never felt valued.
Since I’ve learned how important it is to speak up, and i have seen some really great results in mg life from doing so, I’ve also had to deal with more conflict.
I still don’t love conflict, but sometimes it’s a necessary evil.
How someone feels is not my responsibility. If the conflict happens because of their emotional reaction, it’s not up to me to fix it.
Knowing this has allowed me to have a lot more difficult conversations. Which are important.
Tim Ferris said, “a person’s success in life can usually be measured by the number of uncomfortable conversations he or she is willing to have.”
You can have a difficult conversation and still follow the “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all” rule.
Sometimes the most difficult part of a conversation is saying what you need to say with empathy, tact, and grace.
Sitting silent and stuffing your feelings is not the solution.
Change will never happen if we don’t speak up, advocate for what we believe in, and start talking.
We can be classy about it, but we must not be silent.