I used to think being authentic was simply not being a phony.
I thought it meant that you act the same way in front of this person as you would in front of that person… it was consistency in demeanour and actions.
The person who is nice to everyone’s face but goes home and rages is not authentic.
The person who is nice to you and calls you “hun” or “love” but doesn’t really know you… not authentic.
That used to be my whole definition of authenticity.
I thought being authentic was acting on the outside according to how you feel inside.
The more I pondered it, I decided this didn’t really cut it as a definition, because sometimes we don’t feel like going to work, or sometimes we don’t feel like being brave… but we do those things anyway. That doesn’t mean we are inauthentic.
These days I have a slightly new take on authenticity.
Authenticity is deciding the type of person you want to be and then keeping that promise to yourself under all circumstances.
It’s sorting out your values, your morales, and your internal compass and consistently acting in a way that upholds them.
Does it matter that you always make a buck?
Does it matter that you are always loyal?
Does it matter that you always lend a listening ear?
Does it matter that you always follow the rules of your religion at all costs? Or does it matter that you follow what’s in your heart at all costs?
Making these decisions is what keeps you authentic when there are conflicts.
This kind of authenticity requires boundaries which are sometimes hard for me.
I have had to learn clarity on what lines I will not cross and what lines I will not allow another to cross.
This kind of authenticity is a lot harder than not being a phoney.
But like Carl Jung said so eloquently, “the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are.”
The beauty of that is, you get to decide.