There was another school shooting in Texas yesterday with 10 fatalities.
There are no words to describe these horrific events. Awful doesn’t cut it. Tragic doesn’t seem like enough.
I don’t understand why or how there can be people in our society who think this is ok.
My mind races to make sense of it all trying to sort out status, emotional pain, morales, ethics, religion, race, and culture.
I don’t know the answers.
Brene Brown wrote a blog this week about dehumanization.
She said, “It’s hard to stay kind-hearted when you feel people are taking advantage of you or threatening you… When I asked participants for examples of feeling emotionally unsafe or threatened, a clear pattern emerged. They weren’t talking about getting their feelings hurt or being forced to listen to dissenting opinion; they were talking about dehumanizing language and behavior”
This section really popped out at me because I’ve been sifting through debris from situation that contains elements of both feelings of being “taken advantage of” and “threats” to physical and emotional safety.
I keep checking in with myself to make sure I’m ok.
The good news is every time I check I am still ok even though there are parts of my brain that keep trying to convince me I’m not.
But this morning when I woke up I was really struggling to remain kind hearted. I have a strong expectation of myself to try to figure out how love can win in hard situations. It forces me to really dig deep and try to understand what’s happening on all sides, myself included.
In Brenes blog she says this, ‘Maiese defines dehumanization as “the psychological process of demonizing the enemy, making them seem less than human and hence not worthy of humane treatment.’ Dehumanizing often starts with creating an enemy image. As we take sides, lose trust, and get angrier and angrier, we not only solidify an idea of our enemy, but also start to lose our ability to listen, communicate, and practice even a modicum of empathy.”
Lost trust. Anger. Lack of communication. Zero empathy.
Enemies.
Sigh.
This doesn’t sound like love at all.
Brene goes on to say that we should never tolerate dehumanization in ourselves or in others as we diminish our own humanity. She ends the article with “when we desecrate their divinity, we desecrate our own, and we betray our humanity.”
I have context for all of this in my life.
I can see both sides.
I have felt what it feels like to be considered the enemy, and there have been times I have been scared enough for myself and my children to consider others as the enemy.
Neither side helps the situation or solves the problem.
The only choice I can see is to keep talking about it and keep doing the hardest thing of all… choosing love and keeping an open heart for connection… even with the people who create the most amount of fear in us.
Maya Angelou said, “You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” (Brene started her blog with a reference to it)
If you belong every place, there can’t be an enemy.
Let’s try that on for size.