I read a post in an online Facebook group I’m in.
A lady was trying to do something special for her son. She said he had been struggling with school and friends and fitting in and wanted to give him an experience where he would learn to dream big.
So she drove him to a Lamborghini dealer to look at the cars.
Her post was littered with words of “I was so uncomfortable”, “we would stand out like a sore thumb in a place like that” and “our not so cool vehicle”.
They looked around, not touching anything, and saw a young man bringing one of the cars into the showroom. She asked this young man if they could look inside the car, and he said, “yeah we don’t do that here”.
They were devastated and left to drive back home after spending about 15 minutes there.
On the ride home her son asked her, “why are people so mean?”, and she answered with “often people think they are better than others, just like the people at the store, they took one look at us and knew we didn’t fit in”.
I have spent a lot of time in the last few years thinking about status and where we all think we belong in society.
Why we feel comfortable and feel like we fit in some places and why we don’t feel like we fit in at others.
I seriously wondered what would have made this lady feel so incredibly uncomfortable and like she doesn’t fit in there? Was it because she wasn’t there to buy a car?
I had never thought of taking my son to the Lamborghini dealership because that’s not where my interests lie, she and her son have common interests with these people, and she didn’t think that was enough to fit in.
Was she valuing her worth based on the size of the number on our bank statement?
Status is a very interesting phenomenon to me because it’s simply a story we tell ourselves.
My bank account doesn’t boast a balance that’s says I could buy a Lamborghini, and even if it did, I wouldn’t buy one… not “fitting in” in that situation isn’t something that would ever cross my mind. If I went I would genuinely be going to look at the cars.
I know I’m seeing this scenario through a different lens than she was, but I’ve been in her shoes.
There have been many situations where I didn’t feel like I fit in.
I feel intimidated when I walk into a group of people who already know each other and I’m the new kid, the story I tell myself is that I’m an outsider.
I always have to stretch myself to start a conversation with someone I don’t already know.
The more I seek out high level, genuinely great people doing great things in the world, the more impressed I am by their inclusiveness, generosity, support, empathy, and humility.
It’s the stories we tell ourselves about who we are (or aren’t) that isolates us more than any other person can.
I’m learning not to believe the story I’m selling myself, I’m learning to stop focusing on my own discomfort, and start working towards being open hearted and generous with everyone I meet because it’s true that everyone is fighting a battle we know nothing about…even the person we least expect.