“Respect is the balance between fear and trust”. That’s what Dan Duckering taught me. He was talking horses at the time, but this is one of the many bits of horse wisdom that relates to all relationships.
Well balanced relationships where there is mutual and equal respect on both sides are enjoyable. The trust runs deep and when trust is lost, respect goes with it.
But what happens when fear is lost?
First let’s define the fear. Its not Sabre tooth tiger chasing you while you run for your life kind of fear. Its the subtle nagging but very real fear about rejection. not belonging, or not being loved. These are huge primal fears.
I feared rejection so strongly that I didn’t dare suggest something wasn’t ok with me. I didn’t set boundaries, and I didn’t ask for what I needed trying to make myself easy to accept and easy love.
In turn, my words didn’t ring through their mind when making a decision that involved me and they didn’t worry about hurting my feelings because I made sure that they knew it was ok to treat me poorly, in fact in many ways I almost encouraged it.
Over time my relationships would deteriorate because there was no respect.