I have veered myself away from being in a love relationship for a long time now.
I didn’t trust myself to make healthy choices.
I have examined, and continue to examine, the lens through which I view love relationships and I have questioned more than once what the real purpose is to being in a long term union.
My relationship track record has its highs and lows, just like anyone else’s… but there is no doubt I’ve been spooked and I don’t trust myself.
I don’t trust myself to choose the right person, I don’t trust myself to keep my autonomy, and I don’t trust myself to walk away if it’s not working.
Just recently I was listening to a Tony Robbins podcast with Esther Perel and they were having an interesting conversation about all things relevant to relationships (you can click the link to listen if you are interested…don’t let the show title fool you).
When she started talking about losing yourself in relationships my ears perked up.
This describes me perfectly…and it’s the key reason why I don’t trust myself.
In the interview Esther talked about what draws people to their partners.
She said research shows that we are really drawn to people when they are in their element and doing what they love.
All of sudden the lights came on for me.
When I pull up images in my own mind of “being drawn to people” it’s always when they are in their element.
There are few things I love more than to watch someone else who is lit up, doing what they love, and totally in their own power.
I had never put much thought into it and didn’t know this was a universal feeling.
When I am in a relationship I always give that part of myself up (pretty sure I’m not alone here).
I take on a role of servitude and stop doing the things I love to do.
This servant role doesn’t fit very well with me, and that’s how I lose myself.
I love to help others, I want to make the world a better place, I love all people dearly (even the ones I “shouldn’t”) … but I’m not a very good maid or servant (in fact it makes me really ornery) and I’m certainly not lit up or in my power while cooking and cleaning up after everyone else.
This realization has turned the lights on for me. It feels like I got the permission I needed to keep (and strongly defend) my autonomy in a relationship.
I love to see someone else in their element, and so does everyone else… which means that we all need to find the time to figure out what we love and then do it.
While we do “our thing” we need to allow ourselves to be fully immersed and be in our element.
It’s not selfish, it’s a drawing card, and other people derive pleasure from watching you (whether they admit it or not).
I love it when we see something from a new angle it gives us new hope.
When was the last time you allowed yourself to be fully immersed in something you love?