I used to think making change outside of myself was impossible.
I wasn’t happy with my life. All I saw were obstacles, and barriers. I knew a different life was possible, but I didn’t know how.
The backlash you get from others when you are trying to make change happen can be pretty big. Other people don’t like to be uncomfortable, and change makes them very uncomfortable.
This was debilitating for me because I felt responsible for other peoples emotions… I felt responsible for their happiness, and unhappiness.
Its part of what I call the good girl/boy syndrome. We are raised and conditioned by society from a very young age to be “good girls & boys”, and we are told we are “good” when the people around us are comfortable and happy.
And so we begin to think its our job to maintain that.
We attract people into our lives who think it’s our job to keep them happy and it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy… we need to make them happy to feel valued, and they think its our job to keep them happy.
When they are anything but happy we back pedal as fast as we can until they are happy again. And change never happens.
We tell ourselves that everyones happiness is what is most important. More important than our dreams, our happiness, and our fulfillment.
And change never happens.
Making other people happy isn’t our job, so we begin to look for escapes from life. We sit in our vehicle long after everyone else gets out, we might numb ourselves with endless Netflix episodes, or we scroll mindlessly through social media looking for a mental escape. We might craft, drink, or shop looking for a physical escape from our lives.
Over and over I would try to step out of my box, and over and over my people would become uncomfortable and lash out. I would then retract and step back into my box to maintain the happiness quotient… look after everyone else so I was a good girl… and I would find an escape as often as I could.
Until I realized, and deeply understood, that other peoples emotions, reactions, happiness, and unhappiness had nothing to do with me… I was trapped.
Change could never happen and I thought it was impossible.
The truth is that we are all responsible for our own emotions.
We can not be responsible for how another person feels. They can choose to be angry and frustrated with us, or they can choose to be supportive and understanding.
They can choose to be curious about why you are doing what you are doing.
Or they can choose to be angry at you because they are uncomfortable.
No matter what they choose, its not about you. Its about them.
And once you allow them to be responsible for their own emotional health, they can become more healthy because it is a choice… you just have to be brave enough to give them the space to see who they are, and then choose who they want to be.
And that is when change is possible… and the life you want can start to become a reality.