Shyness and insecurity come from your ego.
This seems counter intuitive, so when my Mom told me that last year that’s what was going on with me, I had a hard time wrapping my brain around it.
Ego is trying to tell you you’re something special, and I was feeling something far less than special.
I had just started going to an open mic night in Calgary where I would read a couple of my blogs out loud to a very kind group of people who also were reading their pieces. There is always a brief intermission where everyone mingled and got to know each other.
I was frozen solid to my chair during the mingle period. I felt extremely shy and insecure and I couldn’t think of a thing to say to anyone.
Mom isn’t preachy and doesn’t lecture, so she dropped the seed and left me to figure it out on my own, so I asked the Google machine because it knows all of the things.
Google pointed me to Eckhart Tolle and as it turned out he had written a section about it in A New Earth. I searched for my copy and then read that part of the book at least 15 different times until I started to understand.
I was being selfish. I was focusing solely on what I wanted to gain from them; acceptance, approval, and hopefully new readers… all of which would stroke my ego and tell me I was doing good.
I was making the whole experience about myself. I was worried what other people were going to think of me and my blog. I wanted them to like me and to want to be a part of my blog community.
I was suffering from shyness and insecurity because I was focused on myself, and what they were going to think about me.
This realization started a shift in me that is still shifting, but I have found that when I feel shyness and insecurity seep in its because I’m focusing on me,
It’s always better when you focus on others.
Instead of looking for what I can gain from someone, I am asking myself these questions…
What have you learned that might help someone else?
How can you be generous here?
What do you need to do to build trust with others?
What would you want if you were in their shoes?
Is there a promise you can make, and keep, that would be helpful?
When I keep my brain focused on answering these questions, there is no reason to feel insecure, I am out of the equation.
These questions are slowly becoming a part of every interaction whether I’m feeling insecure or not.
Looks like Mom was right again, and this path feels so much better than the last one.