It is an awful thing to wake up every day with a knot in your stomach. If I didn’t wake up with one, it was sure to be there by the end of the day. This happened for well over a decade.
My back was covered in acne from the stress.
Emotionally… I never felt safe. I was at best desperate, guarded and resistant.
I was being blamed for everything ..and there was a lot going wrong… meanwhile trying so hard to make things better and always protect the children.
On the really rough days I would clean the house to calm down. They say women tend or befriend and men go into fight or flight when faced with danger. I was no exception.
One day about 5 years ago I was madly cleaning the house and texting with a friend who asked me this question, “if you could have anything in the world right now what would you want?”
My immediate reply was “peace”. It surprised me, but also became a defining moment for me.
The truth was after all of those years, I had finally had enough of the inner turmoil, the struggle and the pain.
Sometimes we have to get to a place where we are so clear on what we don’t want, we choose the exact opposite.
I had no idea how powerful it was to fully commit to striving for inner peace, but I can tell you now, there has never been another decision that I have made for myself that has impacted my life so profoundly and so positively.
You don’t have to put yourself through hell, for any reason…there is always another path, you just have to choose it.