When my oldest of 3 kids moved out to live with his dad at age 14, I was devastated.
Not only was my ego taking a massive hit because he didn’t “want” to live with me, I knew our relationship would change drastically.
I was the kind of mom who was totally invested in my kids lives as they grew up. I had homeschooled all 3 of them until he was 12. I lived at the hockey rink and the lacrosse field on the weekends. I had always been a Mom in every sense of the word, sickness, health, cooking, laundry, school work, manners, all momma bear things, and when there were forgotten lunches, helmets, or hockey gloves, I saved the day.
When my oldest son moved out I would no longer be close enough to rescue, around enough to course correct if needed, and there to guide and advise on daily choices or life choices.
I felt like all of my mom privileges were being revoked.
There were so many hard parts and tears cried, my heart was broken and I was functioning at half mass on a good day.
I felt like I was no longer “the Mom” and that was a role I had defined myself by for the previous 14 years. I was forced to let go of my role in his journey.
It changed me.
These things are supposed to change us. If they didn’t, the pain and suffering we felt was wasted and all for nothing.
I genuinely thought I was a really good mom before, but I feel like I’m doing a better job now.
I have learned to let them all walk the path they choose and I honour those choices. I help them on that path as much (or as little) as they want.
I give suggestions when I see a different side or point of view. I reflect back to them how I think their choices may affect them and I support them when they are doing hard things.
But mostly I appreciate every single minute I get to be with them.
It’s very hard to let go of the fact that your children are a reflection of you and you are responsible for everything in their life.
They carry forth your values, they follow your lead, and they learn how to operate in the world by doing what they’ve learned by watching you.
Once I understood that they have their journey to travel, and their lessons to learn which may or may not be different than mine, I started to live a life that I would be pleased for them to live.
My oldest son doesn’t come around very often, but when he does I hear my words come out of his mouth and I see him make good choices. He is growing up, he’s healthy, he’s learning, and doing good. At the end of the day a parent can’t ask for more than that.