Not only does it transform you from a bitter and resentful person into a kind and appreciative person, it also helps you accept what is happening and find the silver lining.
It’s hard to find gratitude in the painful moments. When your life is falling apart, or you’ve been betrayed, or asked to betray yourself… it’s very hard to say thank you.
I’ve seen people who get their ass kicked and then say thank you for the torture. I’m not entirely sure I’m that big of a person,
I understand that sometimes you have to “fake it ’til you make it” but I also think that if you don’t accept how crappy something is, you can’t move past it.
There are always reasons to be grateful, but being grateful for being tortured isn’t one of them.
You can be grateful for what you learned from the torture, or who you are becoming because of it, you can be grateful for where you land, but not the torture itself. You don’t want to attract more torture into your life.
Gratitude is a strong energy, and it will bring you more. “What you appreciate, appreciates”. So use gratitude plentifully, but also use it wisely.
p.s. I have updated my About Me page, go take a look. Click here.
The deeper interconnectedness of all things and events implies that the mental labels of “good” and “bad” are ultimately illusory. They always imply a limited perspective and so are true only relatively and temporarily. This is illustrated in the story of a wise man who won an expensive car in a lottery. His family and friends were very happy for him and came to celebrate. “Isn’t it great!” they said. “You are so lucky.” The man smiled and said, “Maybe.” For a few weeks he enjoyed driving the car. Then one day a drunken driver crashed into his new car at an intersection and he ended up in the hospital, with multiple injuries. His family and friends came to see him and said, “That was really unfortunate.” Again the man smiled and said, “Maybe.” While he was still in the hospital, one night there was a landslide and his house fell into the sea. Again his friends came the next day and said, “Weren’t you lucky to have been here in hospital.” Again he said, “Maybe.” Excerpted from Eckhart Tolle’s A New Earth, pages 195-19
I love this story and think of it often.
Just because we think what is happening right now is the worst or the best, doesn’t mean it really is. It’s all about where you freeze the frame in the story.
It doesn’t matter who or how, let’s just open ourselves up to ourselves or another.
Sometimes we simply need to connect with ourselves. How are we feeling, what’s in our heart, and finding the stillness within ourselves and staying with it for a few moments.
Sometimes we need to connect with nature. Walk barefoot in the grass, listen to the birds, find some flowing water, or feel the warmth of the sun in your head. I especially love to feel the happiness that my animals have when we are together.
Sometimes we need to connect with another human. Having good conversations about things that matter, solving the worlds problems, or laughing and playing together.
Just for today, let’s make a point of finding connection and basking in that feeling. Our future selves will thank us for it.
When I write I take the most prominent idea, insight, or lesson learned from my life and I share it with you.
Some of the content I share has changed my life completely. Some of it has made my life easier, or clearer, or more rich.
And I share it all because I don’t see what good it does if I just keep it for myself. I put blood, sweat, and tears into these lessons, I didn’t do it just for my benefit.
And I can’t imagine that anyone who writes for other people would do so for any other reason.
Writing takes what is on the inside and share sit with the outside.
And that’s why books are so incredibly valuable.
You can access the minds of the most ordinary people who figured pieces of life out, or you can access the most extraordinary minds of our time… simply by reading the books they wrote.
We live in the Information Age. There is no excuse for not learning new skills.
Read books. Take classes. Learn from all of the others.
Your life will continue to be exponentially better when you read a book and get into the mind of someone else.
I don’t remember who it was that told me everything in life was a skill that could be learned, but I remember thinking about it for a while. Before that I assumed some people were naturally talented, and others were somewhat handicapped.
I can’t sing, I can’t draw, I’m not good with people, I’m not good with money, might be true at the moment. But they are all skills that can be learned and developed if you are willing to work at it.
The hard part is overcoming the resistance towards learning it. Staring failure straight in the eye as you flounder around without training wheels and feeling the hot embarrassment of rookie mistakes doesn’t make skill building much fun.
There are a few things that have really helped me to be ok with being a first timer. The first is to just be willing to try. I can feel resistance inside of me that used to stop me dead in my tracks. I’m learning not to listen to it, more often than not it’s just my ego talking.
The next thing is to forgive myself for not being perfect before I start. This has been the best way for me to deal with my perfection issues. I’m human. I’m supposed to be flawed and imperfect, I am not capable of knowing all of the things and I’m supposed to learn from failure. I was not born with a cape on my back.
The final thing is understanding that every single thing is a skill and skills just need to be practiced. The internet and google are the best tools ever invented for learning skills. I now google everything from ‘why do people want more money’, to ‘how to make a good first impression’. After you start there are a million rabbit trails to go down.
You can learn people skills, creative skills, friendship skills, sales, magic, and mindfulness skills. The list is endless and the world is your oyster. Once I understood this part, I could finally see how “if you can dream it, you can do it” is true, before it felt like a foreign concept.
So the next time you catch yourself say I can’t, understand that you can, you just have to begin.
The hardest part isn’t learning the skills, it’s the amount of moral effort you need to stare failure straight in the face. Once you know that’s what you’re up against and understand it’s not a handicap, it doesn’t seem so bad and you can see that everything is figureoutable.
We spend so much time wanting to show up a certain way in life, but the wanting keeps us separated from the being.
Affirmations sounded so cheesy to me… until I really listened to the dialogue in my head. I wanted to be a good person, I wanted to strong and healthy, and I wanted to be a good mom etc etc etc.
When I sat down and realized that by saying I wanted these things, it was the same as saying I didn’t already have them.
Affirmations remove the gap. They open the space for you to be the very thing you’re chasing and they The more you tell yourself you “are” the easier it is to close the gap and act accordingly.
I am a good person, I am strong and healthy, I am a good mom, and I am showing up in the world this way.
If you want to say your affirmations to yourself in front of the mirror, go ahead, but you don’t have to. The important part is to start seeing yourself as someone who already “is” even if you haven’t mastered all of the skills yet.
Let’s close the gap between who we want to be, and who we already are becoming.
It’s most obvious to blame the symptom and it’s also much easier than searching for the problem.
Overweight means you need to lose fat.
Broke means you need to make more money.
Unhappy means you need to have fun.
Bad grades means you need to study for the test.
Except none of this ever works long term. When you only see the symptom you burn out because you’re chasing it.
The symptom is only a manifestation of what’s already in play.
Overweight could mean your body systems aren’t functioning properly. Your liver could be sluggish, your gut probably isn’t functioning properly, and your hormones are taking over. You might not be able to tolerate certain foods, you could be lacking minerals in your diet, or you might have toxic levels.
Broke might mean you are living in scarcity and that you’re preserving yourself more than you’re contributing to society. It could be a sign that you’re selfish, or don’t have any self discipline.
Unhappiness could be a result of always putting others first and not making time for the things that light you up. You might need to learn boundaries and how to say no. Maybe you need to learn to receive good things in life, like help, gifts, or friendship. Maybe you need a dog ❤️
Bad grades might be because you didn’t learn how to learn. You might not know what clarity feels like or understand how to search for the answer. It’s possible you need to return to basics to fill in the gaps so you can move forward.
It’s a lot harder to figure out the problem than the symptom. It takes more time and a larger understanding, and you have to be brave enough to tackle it. The problem is overwhelming, and it’s hidden far beneath the surface.
We all know this. The symptoms have been showing up for years. But sometimes we need a reminder to look a little deeper into what is going on. Because on top of all of that, things change so fast that you can’t fix today’s problems with yesterday’s answer (-Einstein).
This time of year is all about goal setting, excitement for what’s to come, and hope for things to get better.
I love it.
It’s interesting to me that no matter how incredible or horrendous the last year was we are always ready to leave it behind and move on. We accept the change easily and move forward with high hopes and anticipation.
New Years is one of the only times that we, as humans, are happy to leave greatness behind and look forward to the possibility of what could be. Usually we hang on because we are comfortable and afraid of change.
What if 2018 had been your best year ever and you didn’t want to let it go? What would it look like if you stayed in 2018 because you were familiar with it and it was so good you couldn’t let go?
For the first little bit you could pull it off, but the longer you resisted it the harder your life would get. You would have to put up a fight every time the subject of the date showed up. But that’s ok because it was so great in 2018, it’s worth fighting for.
You might fight with authority when your I.D. expired, or the customs agent when your passport expired… booking your travel was so much easier in 2018 wasn’t it? All of the days of the week lined up with date back then. You would write stale dated cheques and you would pay the bills from 2018 because things were cheaper then and things were rolling, and you might fight with the bill companies about what you owe.
I could go on and on, but you get the point. It would be ridiculous to not accept the new year and roll with it. Yet we do it all of the time in other ways. Life is always bringing change and we are always fighting to hang on to what’s old and comfortable.
If you can remember how easily you accepted 2019, and how you felt about the possibility the change holds, you can adapt that framework to other situations where you feel yourself resisting and fighting change.
Life is much easier when you accept what’s coming and look forward to the possibility it’s bringing. Let yourself flow for 2019, there is great possibility in every little or big change that is coming your way.
And remember, when you resist change by hanging on to the places where you’re comfortable it makes everything else ridiculously hard.
I used to think everything in the world was concrete.
If I saw it, thought it, or someone told me it … it was truth.
When the “truth” changed I thought it was luck.
But then I learned that our whole reality is based on our perception.
I began to understand that the story I told myself affected the situation more than any other thing.
Learning to see things differently, and looking for ways to get outside of myself so I could tell a different story has been a game changer.
The exact same situation can be gloomy and keep you up at night, or can be extremely lucky just by changing the angle you are looking at it from.
The glass can be half empty and half full, but when the tap is turned on… all you have to do is find a way to get the glass under the running water. That’s where your time is best spent.
Surround yourself with people who help you to move the cup.
When you want someone to take action over the long term it’s best to think about things from the side of the person.
It’s important to make sure the other person is getting a payoff that matters to them.
Most people want to stand a little taller, feel a little smarter, and move ahead in their life.
When you can help someone else to do that, then they are much more likely to be invested in your journey.
Selfishly seeking your own progress without considering the other person will only lead to that person feeling burn out and resentment.
You can motivate them by tapping into what helps them be better because of your interaction.
Figuring out what that might be is the hard part, but also the most important. Most people don’t realize what they want, or why they would want it, until you help them find it.
She’s at the top of the pecking order. She tells everyone where she wants them to stand, she eats first (and at whichever hay pile she wants).
The lead mare is established as soon as you put the horses together. Sometimes they have to fight it out, but they always establish it.
If you take the lead mare out of the herd, a new one rises to the top. There is always a lead mare.
The herd doesn’t take it personally. They allow her to direct them, no matter how unreasonable I think she is. They accept what she says and move out of her way.
As a human working with a horse, you need to establish that you are the lead mare. If you don’t establish this, then the horse doesn’t trust you and tries to take over lead mare position.
When the horse is scared and tries to take over lead mare position it becomes a scary situation for the rider. A scared horse is scary to be with.
One scared horse will scare any other horses around him. When one runs, they all run.
When horses don’t have leadership they become frantic if they feel threatened. What is threatening the horse is never as scary as the horse is when he’s scared.
I’ve noticed the same pattern with humans. Humans are a bit frantic at the moment.
Social media has created a frenzy around Covid19.
We don’t have much leadership and people are feeling threatened and scared. Our prime minister put himself into isolation because his wife is sick – so he’s not really leading.
Someone has to be a lead mare right now. There always needs to be a lead mare. You will need to take on a leadership role if it is needed. When there is frenzy and panic, someone has to lead and believe in our ability to pull through.
Things may or may not be good right now. We don’t know the end result of our actions and choices.
But we will figure this out, no matter what happens next. This is not the end. It may be a new beginning as things change, or it may simply be a hiccup.
What I’m certain of is that humans have an incredible will to live, and not only live, but thrive. That’s how we got to where we are in society today.
You probably need to step up as a leader somewhere in your life. We need leaders at all levels. What will your role be?
I was so tired of getting the same results in my life.
There is a quote from Narcotics Anonymous that is so good it has been misattributed to Einstein (I have always quoted it as Einstein’s quote until this morning when I looked it up).
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”
The internet is amazing to me because it’s so full of information, and it has put all of that information at our fingertips. We can connect with people who have found success in the areas we are lacking and learn from them. It used to be so hard to get information… remember all of those encyclopedias?
I have been researching and following people who were getting different results than I was trying to soak in their frame work.
I have been picking up pieces and here and there, and I’m learning why and how critically important trust, generosity, vulnerability, transparency, truth, persistence, discipline, courage, connection, compassion, kindness, patience, diligence and many other virtues really are.
I made a promise to myself to be as consistent as I can be, and not allow myself excuses or justification to not uphold the virtues.
This has caused me to uphold a high standard for myself… I am good with that. It feels good to act consistently in line with those virtues, and the results I’m getting in life are changing accordingly… hooray!
It’s been a challenge to maintain my standards and not project those as expectations onto other people. I have had a few epic fails in that department, and with those fails, a few of the virtues also fall off the wagon such as compassion, but here is what I’m slowly learning… if I hold true to mine 9 times out of 10 the other people eventually follow suit, and that’s more likely to happen when I have no expectations of them.
The morale to this story is, we can only do what we can do for ourselves. Within that we shine the light for others, and they can choose to step into the light, or not to step into if they choose. If one person chooses not to step into that light, it’s ok, they have their own journey.
My to-do list is piled so high that I’m going hard from dusk to dawn.
I know 2 things about myself:
1 – I like progression and forward movement.
2 – I need rest and recoup time because I’m a baby when I don’t feel 100%.
I’m not a TV watcher and I don’t drink or party. This means down time doesn’t happen in my world unless it’s intentionally planned.
One morning this past week as I was walking I realized I haven’t built something into the schedule that I can really look forward to. Right now I have my life completely formatted around work without any play.
I’m up early to write the blog, I work full time during the day, and my evenings are spent cleaning, doing yard work, scrambling around trying to figure out supper, or planning projects/taxi driving the kids.
I love my life and I don’t begrudge any of it, but I haven’t created a reward for myself and that just makes the work feel endless and exhausting.
We are all reward motivated. We can find an extra gear, a second wind, and do hard things when we have a payoff waiting in the wings.
So if you find yourself burning out, losing steam, or feeling weighed down by the to-do list… give yourself an attainable and achievable goal, to look forward to.
“When I make $5000 extra, I will take a holiday.”
“When I exercise 4 days per week for 3 months, I will buy myself a new pair of shoes.”
“I will practice a new skill everyday for a year and then enter a competition.”
Whatever works for you to keep you reaching forward and excited.
I’m a person who trusts the Universe and the larger plan. I believe that things will always work out for the best as long as we keep trying and that force is larger than me. I am constantly surrendering to it.
I trust Mother Nature and I believe in the miracles she can create, I see them all of the time. We support her mission by doing our part to stay healthy, make progress, and seek okay-ness, and she supports us back. I see this over and over. I trust the Universe and I trust Mother Nature.
Trust has become the foundation for which I have built my life.
I trust in the greater good.
I trust that things happen for a reason.
I trust that things will work out in the end.
I trust that we will be ok.
I trust that things are happening for me.
This is my foundation to everything, and it is how I feel safe. I believe there is something larger at play that I cannot see, and that it will help me.
Over the last couple of weeks the message we have been receiving is one of survival. And we have been watching as others have acted strongly to this message. People have raided grocery stores, barked at us to wash our hands, and shamed us for leaving our homes. We are being told to self preserve at every junction.
Self preservation is not trust. It is ego based, it is about being separate from each other, and it is trying to take control of a situation that is big… and it makes you feel powerless.
I prefer empowered over powerless.
We are not powerless right now. We are never powerless. And feeling powerless only exacerbates the stress.
A higher vibrational approach to this is to consider these messages as information about how to practice self care right now.
All of the guidelines we have been given are the basics to help your body thrive.
Self care is never a bad idea.
The more, the better. Its nourishment and nuturing.
And that is how it turns into self love.
Self love is the best.
What does that look like right now?
Well, its advanced self care.
It is doing things to support your health and well being. Our bodies are incredible self healing and miracle making machines. The more we can do to help, the better they can do their job.
Here are a few examples:
Movement helps your lymphatic system drain toxins,
Drinking water helps to flush any germs out of your mucous membranes and into your gut (where it can’t take hold as easy),
Vitamin C supports your immune system,
Good sleep is restorative,
Good nutrition supports all of your cells and mitochondria,
Meditation helps your mindset and stress level,
Fresh air and nature recalibrates your nervous system
These are the ones I do and they make a difference. I notice a difference in myself if I’m missing any.
The more you can incorporate, the better.
When it comes to self care and self love… go big or go home.
Not just now, but all of the time.
And the more fulfilled and loved you feel… the more bandwidth you will have to care about others.
I believe life has ebbs and flow and sometimes life is really good, and sometimes it’s hard for a while.
Both come along and both pass.
Nobody and nothing is excluded from the ebb and flow.
Knowing this I genuinely celebrate other people’s wins, and empathize with their struggle
There is no reason to get caught up in jealousy over other people’s seemingly picture perfect lives. They have a story of struggle too, even if they are hiding it.
We are all given the life we need in order for our soul to evolve the way it’s intended.
Some of us need to learn about finances, some of us need to learn about health, some of us need to learn how to connect, some of us need to learn how to love.
So don’t sit in judgement of another persons life…good or bad.
They’ve got just as much to learn as you do, it’s maybe just in another area.
We all have the opportunity to lead in an area of life, and if you don’t see it in yours you’re probably doing yourself and other an injustice.
When you see the way and take responsibility, you are leading.
When you are brave and moving forward, you are leading.
When you are finding your way and inspiring others to find their way, you are leading.
Seth Godin wrote this about leadership on his blog the other day:
“Leadership doesn’t simply appear when the script announces it does: it is the hard work of showing up when we’re not expected to, of seeing what’s possible when few are willing to believe.“
I loved the part of this quote from Seth the most: “seeing what’s possible when few are willing to believe.”
Lately, with all of what’s been happening in the world, there has been a lot of opportunity for possibility- and he’s right, seeing what’s possible when few are willing to believe is hard work.
But it’s the only way to get where you want to go.
Very few people can do it… and that’s why there is never as much traffic at the top of the mountain.
I was at a horse event on the weekend. It’s one of my favourites to go to because I get to connect with my people. This year was better than most as the energy was high and crowd was fun.
As I stood in line to grab a coffee I overheard one of the horse trainers talk about the horse he was working with, “I look for signs of willingness, not submission”.
“Willingness” hit my radar last year and it’s become one of my favourite human characteristics to be around. When I hear talk of it, my ears perk up.
Even though I had never made the distinction before it seemed obvious to compare willingness vs submission when he said it. Natural horsemanship people talk about willingness all of the time and the old “cowboy way” was to demand submission.
Willingness means no resistance.
Someone who is “willing” wants to learn and they want to be involved. They easily help, participate, ask questions, lend a hand, or dive in. Everything flows and grows and there is life.
Willingness means they have moved out of fear, and through courage to now do whatever needs to be done.
Submission is where resentment lies. When we have a different idea or opinion and we haven’t been heard so we shut down and “do what we are told”. There is no connection, no communication, and no flow. There is no growth.
Submission reminds me of stagnant water. Illness and disease are the only things growing there.
We can find willingness within ourselves if we look for it.
In order to overcome resistance in myself I’ve had to choose bravery, tackle hard things, and leave old belief & thought patterns behind.
Once you know what willingness feels like in you, it’s easier to recognize in someone else.
We can ask and wait for willingness in someone else by building trust, leading by generous example, and helping others overcome their fear blocks.
When you find people who are willing to walk alongside you, the world looks different.
Let’s separate ourselves from the society that tries so hard to separate us through comparison and envy and fear…even though we all belong here.
Today, let’s lift each other up and support each other.
Let’s be kind with our words and fierce with our heart.
When we speak love, the world responds to us with love. It’s magic, the more you give the more you get.
Let’s be intentional about spreading love, and maybe, just maybe, we can change the world a little bit… just for today.
If it all goes well, maybe we can have a do-over tomorrow.
