Blog

There is huge power in words.  They hold an energy of their own that can reach to the deepest places in ourselves.  Places we don’t even want to admit exist.  Words can give you insight into yourself, into another person, into a relationship and into the future.

The right words can heal you, build bridges between you, and guide you to places you haven’t been. The wrong words can chill you, build walls between you, and start wars among strangers, or friends.

I feel like I never really knew their power until I started becoming more aware of how they affect every thought, every outcome, every relationship, every contract, every vow, and every social interaction. I wish when I learned “Language Arts” in school, I had learned more about the art of language.

I now listen to the words other people have used from a new point of view. I imagine what it would take for me to have put the words together like they have. I wonder what life experiences they have had or how they knew to put the words together the way they did.

What I am seeing over and over again is that vulnerability and humility are always at the heart of the words which have the most meaning and that we connect the most with.

The best song lyrics are the ones that talk about things we feel but don’t say out loud.

The best pieces of writing are the ones that illuminate a part of us we have kept in the shadows.

The best speeches are the ones that ignite something in us we can’t ignite for ourselves.

If you want to deepen your connection with other people, it matters what words you use, how you use them, and how you put them together. It also matters what words you don’t use.

Never underestimate the power of the words you choose, they tell everything.

“Words are things. You must be careful, careful about calling people out of their names, using racial pejoratives and sexual pejoratives and all that ignorance. Don’t do that. Some day we’ll be able to measure the power of words. I think they are things. They get on the walls. They get in your wallpaper. They get in your rugs, in your upholstery, and your clothes, and finally in to you.” – Maya Angelou

Scarcity is all about perception. Wayne Dyer famously said, “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.”

Scarcity fits well into that category.

When you are feeling unloved, all alone in your quest, or lonely in your life, those are sign of a scarcity mentality.

As soon as you recognize the feeling of “less” it’s helpful to turn it around and to remember that there is an infinite supply of energy and all you need to do it tap into it.

Tapping into it requires opening yourself to the abundant universal source.

It’s no accident that if you want to be loved, the best way to find it is to openly and generously love someone else.

If you want help, it’s a lot easier to find when you make a point of helping others.

And if you want more friends, then be a friend to someone else.

Isn’t it ironic that the key to having is in the giving.

“You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.” – Zig Ziglar

Jim Rohn said that we are the average of the 5 people we spend the most time with. If you think the people you’re hanging with are outstanding, you’re not likely to believe this theory. And if you hang out with awesome people, you’ll hope it’s true.

There is no question we pick up habits, speech, and ideas for: the people we are spending time with, but do we become the average of them?

Only if we want to.

There are some awful people out there. And by awful I mean their hearts are closed, they are misguided, and they can’t see outside of themselves. If you surround these people with “nice” people they will chew them up and spit them out. They do not become more like the nice people.

There are some amazing people out there. They have done a lot of work on themselves and are confident in who they are and who they intend to be. They are grounded, compassionate, and deeply care for others. Someone who is misguided could not convince them to be otherwise.

But when we find a tribe of people who we aspire to be like, people who we study, admire, respect, and trust, we can go so much further and faster in the direction of our choice than we ever will any other way.

Your ego will doubt this. It will tell you that you’re stronger than them and you can get where you want to go anyway. And maybe you can. But when you don’t have to spend time fighting your way up, you can spend all of your time figuring out how to move forward… and progress becomes so much easier.

Who you spend your time with matters.

I have always been a morning person and protective of the way I start my days.

I love the peacefulness of mornings, so I get up early to enjoy the quiet and prepare myself for the day.

This time of year is wonderful for getting outside before the craziness sets in.  I love to go for walks as the sun is still rising and see the world waking up.  The sun sparkles in the water differently, the birds sing, and the bees aren’t yet buzzing.

I recently came across a guy named Hal Elrod who wrote a book called the miracle morning and he encourages you to create a routine to set you up for success.

I think its a game changer to take full advantage of your mornings.

Just for today… Let’s plan to have a miracle morning this week.

Do something that is just for you.  Something that will help you to feel special and start your day off right.  Maybe you could make your favorite breakfast, read a bit of your favorite book, have a relaxing bath or get your heart rate up and kick start your day.

I promise you won’t regret it

Pick something you really love to do and no matter what happens during the day you will have had those wonderful moments… before the world went crazy.

A long time ago friend of mine pointed out to me that in our own way we cycle from bondage to freedom in our lives.

I had never heard or thought about it before, so I began looking for the pattern to see if it’s true. 

I realized that freedom is important to everyone, even though it feels very personal to ourselves.

I noticed that people become slaves to their jobs, their marriages, their responsibilities and their promises, they break free from it all only to find themselves in an entirely new situation with the same rules.

That’s where I was at that time.  I was a slave to my life and in survival mode.  

It seems to me that bondage can come from any number of things, but typically it’s coming from inside of ourselves. 

I’ve learned it’s important to get an outside perspective because we can’t see it when we are in it.  Sometimes we can’t even see it when someone else points it out to us.

When we aren’t brave enough to walk through the fear to get to the other side, or we feel obligated to stay in our prison because of promises we made we trap ourselves.
When we live under someone else’s expectations we become slaves to them.

I shutdown and became numb in order to live instead of finding courage that was larger than my fear, I tried to find my freedom by shutting off my heart and caring less about myself.  

I did this for a long time until I finally figured out that being shut down is its own type is misery and freedom from caring what happened to me, isn’t really freedom at all.

This is a quote about moral courage from Wikiuniversity. “The moral hero often overcomes shame and humiliation, rejects conformity, risks ostracism, jeopardizes career and status, and sets out alone to take an unpopular stand and do the right thing. Moral courage is choosing to risk embarrassment rather than tolerate injustice.”

I think behind courage is where we find freedom again and again.

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” -Maya Angelou

I believe in humans.

When you look at where we have come from, it’s rally quite incredible what we have accomplished.

Not only have we built cities and airplanes and rockets, but we have had to discover, plan, and build each component that makes up everything.

We started with sticks and stones and quite frankly what we have done with that is nothing short of incredible.

It wasn’t one or ten or one thousand humans who have built this world. It is all of us.

When I started to see the world as a project for the human race, it changed me. That’s when I decided to play a part.

Our contribution matters.

We don’t have to build this world alone, and in fact we shouldn’t try. But we definitely should take part in the project. All we have to do is turn our attention towards building, contributing, and creating.

We are very fortunate that we can choose the role we play in this project.

What contribution are you making?

I’ve learned that gathering tools to help me out of a rut is the fastest way back out. My whole goal is to always feel as good on the inside as possible, because from there I know I can be my best self as much as possible.

We can’t be the best version of ourselves when we are under attack or feel threatened. It takes up way too much of attention and we are distracted from what matters most to us.

The best thing to do is to remove the idea of the threat as quickly as possible. Once we spiral down, climbing back out is a chore.

What are the tools that help? Most importantly we need a strong foundation in our belief system.

This is what is inside of you and gives you grit and resilience. It fosters all of your self talk.

We need to fully believe that everything works out in the end. We need to embrace the fact that whatever is happening is happening in our favour, instead of against us.

We need to have clear boundaries. Every time we allow something that isn’t quite right in our lives to exist, we chip away at our own inner peace and our strength leaks out.

It’s also important to know that how we see ourselves is a reflection from the people we surround ourselves with. Once you understand this you will know why it’s so important to find people who love you and see the best in you. They help you to see the best in yourself.

If you want your best self to be better then start showing up in the world, the challenges you face will only serve to help you figure out what’s important.

The good news is that everyday we get a new opportunity to do better and be better than we were the day before and refining can happen slowly over time.

You have heard them say that everything that has happened in your life has prepared you for this moment. And yet for some reason you don’t believe it.

You still think you aren’t enough.

The world is a big place, and it makes us feel small. There is so much to learn, so much to do, and so many options.

But you are more ready for whatever is being put in front of you than you know.

Whatever challenge you have to face.

Whatever choice you have to make.

Whatever move you need to make.

Whatever conversations you need to have.

You are ready.

You might be scared because you don’t know the outcome – but a little faith in yourself goes a long long way.

I am slowly learning the reason we don’t feel ready is because we aren’t giving enough credit to the small things.

The small things are always the big things, but they are so often forgotten and overlooked.

When you realize that the words you speak make a difference in every situation… then you start to say them carefully and with intention. It seems so small, but it matters so much.

When you realize that the path you have been on has brought you to where you are – then you begin to realize that every thought, and every decision will take closer or further to where you want to go. They are small but mighty.

When you realize that putting your attention on something makes it grow, then you become much more careful about what you focus on. It seems so insignificant – but it can change everything.

The world is big, and we are small… and that just adds to my argument.

The small things matter the most.

And if you connect to the power you have inside of you, you will realize that you really aren’t so small after all.

Everything in your life has prepared you for this moment. So what are you going to do about it?

A friend of mine texted me yesterday to say he kissed a girl the night before and thinks he might have a new girlfriend.

That was great news because he’s been dating and playing around with online dating (which is pretty much an awful way to get to know someone).

Because this is an area I have put a lot of thought into over the last few years, My response was a philosophical deep dive (on text) about relationships, sex and what it all means to me and why I’m single.

I’m such a nerd sometimes.

Wouldn’t it have been nice if I could have put aside my philosophy and just been happy for him?

It wasn’t even that long ago I wrote about Stephen Coveys Habit.  

A girlfriend of mine told me she struggles with this also.

She has built an online course before and her experience wasn’t fulfilling for her.  She loves what she’s doing now and wants me to be a part of it.

But I want to build a course because I have some great stuff I want to share.

She wants to support me but thinks I’m crazy.

Life is funny.

It’s hard to put aside what we know and what we have experienced in order to allow others the space to walk their own journey.

It’s what makes the world go around.

At then end of the text conversation I apologized for my nerdy philosophical deep dive, and he said we really should go for coffee to compare relationship notes.

Maybe he has something he wants to say too but can’t keep up to my ninja texting skills.

“I would rather have one small weird moment of real connection than hours of polite conversation.” – Sweatpants and Coffee Facebook page 

You are dispensable. Make no mistake about it. This was a tough lesson for me, and I learned it in the most heartbreaking way.

I used to believe my kids needed their mom. I didn’t take them for granted, I loved being a mom and I was the best mom I knew how to be… but I was wrong, they didn’t need me. My oldest son has managed just fine without a mom for the last 4 years and he is doing great. He didn’t need a mom.

Children grow up on the streets, in orphanages, in foster homes, and with all sorts of dysfunctional parents, and they still grow up… even without a mom.

Would it be better for all of the children to have a warm loving family with 2 supportive parents? Yes. But they don’t need them.

Your family will carry on without you if they must.

Your workplace will be ok without you if you go.

The committee you volunteer with will get along without you if you quit.

The world will turn still turn when you’re gone.

You have this moment to make a difference in all of the relationships, places, and work you care about. It’s better if you show up and give us all you’ve got.

We may not need you but if you care enough to do your best, we will miss you when you’re not there.

Mondays can be hard.

It is September and the lazy days of summer are wrapping up.

Kids are back in school and falling back into routines and busy schedules.

The nights are chilly and Fall is on our doorstep.

Things get super busy as everyone gets back into life and finishing up what needs to be done before winter.

I find it such a hard time of year.  The pressure to get everything done weighs on my shoulders, and the energy is big and busy right now.  I find myself getting easily frustrated with the lack of time and resources to make it all happen.

It helps if I have something to look forward to, something that makes me light up with Joy, or fills my heart with love.

When the pressure is on its hard to remember the small moments that mean everything.

Just for today, lets take a moment and think about something we can look forward to.

The light of the day.

The thing that makes it all worth it.

A set back doesn’t look the same as it feels.

It feels like everything you’ve built has disappeared. It feels like all of the progress made is lost. It feels like you are right back where you started.

But for all of us watching, a set back looks like a chance to regroup. We see that you have an opportunity to try again and build on the pieces you have already put into place. We don’t see failure, we see a humble new beginning.

We would be shocked if you threw in the towel because the set back doesn’t look so bad from our point of view.

If you could be an observer to your journey rather than so personally invested in every single move, you wouldn’t take the set backs so personally.

It’s not easy to become the observer, in fact it can be hard. But it is possible.

When we are hiding it’s easy to solve other people’s personal problems. We can see their shortcomings, errors in judgment, bad habits, and incompetence from the sidelines.

You see this all of the time with parents in sports events, kids clubs, and activities. Nobody wants to volunteer, and everyone wants to complain.

But we see it in other places too. At work. At home. And at play.

But here’s the thing. No matter how well intentioned you are, you don’t get to define, or blame, or solve other people’s problems.

Nobody wants you to do that for them because even we things are going poorly, we are all doing the best we can.

I have had lots of practice solving other people’s problems because I was hiding for so long. There are often times I “know” what someone’s hang-up is year’s before they do.

I used to think I was helping with unsolicited advice about how they could overcome their hang-ups, solutions to their problems, and better choices they could make.

Even if I was spot on in my assessment I realized they don’t do anything about it until they see the problem themselves, acknowledge it, and explore solutions.

Then I realized I am the same way.

Major change is hard because you have to become a different person in order to sustain it. This goes for health, relationships, finances, and personal growth.

You have to stop hiding and show up in order to make that change. When you’re busy showing up, you see the journey differently, and you get focused on your path and where you’re heading… and begin to lose interest in the shortcomings of others.

You get to observe how their personal problems affect your life. Then decide if you want to engage, partake, or walk away.

You need to share your greatness that is you.

You need to let it grow.

You need to invest time and energy in yourself.

You are so unique and special that nobody knows what you know, or the connections you have made.

You need to leave your footprint.

There are so many people out there who can benefit from your greatness…

People who would love to hear your words over and over even when you aren’t there to speak them.

People who need to glean some of your light.

Keep your greatness alive and make it available for others.

Like Wayne Dyer said, “don’t die with your music still in you”.

You haven’t come this far to only come this far.

I love the idea of change because it’s the only way things will get better.

If everything stays the same, then everything will stay the same.

And can you imagine living another 15, 25, 50 years with the parts of your life that aren’t the way you want them?

How long have you lived with them already?

If you are anything like me, it’s definitely been too long.

We think that we have to make trade offs. People have always told us we can’t have it all.

I believe you can have it all and the only trade off you have to make is to replace your level of comfort with some discomfort.

Because change makes us uncomfortable. It’s unfamiliar and we don’t know how things will play out.

Not knowing how things will play out will make me so uncomfortable at times that I feel sick to my stomach.

And then I wonder if it’s worth it.

In those moments we have to remember the pain of staying where we are at, and if the change is worth the risk.

Sometimes the risk isn’t nearly so bad as you think…. and sometimes there is a different way to achieve what you want.

Just for today, imagine the change you wish to make and allow it to manifest in whatever form it needs to.

Maybe you aren’t the right build and height to play professional sports (and that’s your dream), but maybe you can be the water boy, or own the team, or be the photographer, or referee, or scorekeeper.

There are many ways to be involved in the game of your choice and once you decide, don’t let the fear of change, the uncertainty, the uncomfortableness, or the nausea stop you from getting there.

I spent a lot of my life running around trying to avoid the discomfort. I didn’t like things that felt bad, so I did everything I could to avoid them.

This scares me, so I’ll do a work around over here.

That hurt me last time, so I’ll do a work around over there.

I’m not getting what I want, so I’m going to give up on this.

I’ve been told no so many times it must be true, I will just shut down that part of my heart.

Last year I decided to be brave and do hard things.

I faced a lot of this feelings head on, I felt all of the discomfort and did it anyway.

I now see other people doing this all of the time, and realize I had been missing the boat.

Some people bully their way through the hard stuff. They close their eyes and shut their heart and force their way through hard things, but they get through them.

Other people move forward open heartedly, admitting their fears and insecurities as they go, but never letting them stop them.

Other people don’t seem to be bothered by it at all (this is baffling to me).

Discomfort is part of the human condition. It’s not to be avoided at all costs. I didn’t know this before. It’s there to make you stronger, not to shut you down.

I choose the open hearted bravery path. The path filled with curiosity, vulnerability, and humility.

How will you show up and be brave?

It wasn’t that long ago there was a lot of hype about finding your passion.  

So many of us get stuck in the doldrums.   We spend so many years looking after everyone else, paying bills, running errands, and building a life that we completely forget about ourselves and what lights us up. 

We find we really aren’t passionate about anything because there is so much we have to do.  A lot of the time we are running around in survival mode.  

I heard Elizabeth Gilbert talking about this one day and she said never mind what you’re passionate about, just follow your curiosity.  

I think you have to feel alive to feel curious.  By the time the end of the day rolls around it seems we are exhausted and far from curious about anything, other than where the pillow went.

I read something else the other day that piqued my interest about the subject again.

She was talking about envy.  She said when you are envious of someone else, that is signal that they have something you desire.   Which is true even when it comes to a skill, or a personality trait, or a goal we are trying to reach for ourselves.  

The tricky part about that?  

Envy isn’t an easily recognizable emotion, and it’s coming from a negative space.  

Envy feels like you’re threatened because you aren’t good enough.  

Envy feels like someone is more liked, more beautiful, and more ‘better’ than you.  It feels like someone else is more deserving of something we don’t think we are deserving of, and we go into defence about it. 

We start to make up stories about it in our minds and look for the faults to justify our feelings.   It is all based on our perception and comparing.

But if we can recognize envy for what it is, before it takes us down the wrong road of fault finding… it can be a clue.  Something to help us remember what we want and desire in our lives.  Kind of like curiosity, but but coming from a different place.

A girlfriend of mine recently told me she doesn’t read my blog because it makes her feel jealous that I’m doing something she wants to do but can’t find time for.  

I really admired her for telling me and for being aware enough of herself to recognize that.

I also hope she makes the time soon.

She’s lucky enough to remember… not all of us are.

Just for today let’s recognize our own humanity in every person we meet.

This is easy to do when you don’t know someone or when you love someone, but much harder to do with people who don’t see the world the way you do.

This one little exercise stretches us and it almost always teaches us.

The person who is extra sensitive to your words probably has a legitimate reason.

The person who is putting on a brave face might not want to be a burden.

The person who helps everyone else might not know how to let someone help him.

The person who is disrespectful might not feel seen.

Just for today let’s recognize these little nuances and try to see the why behind who they are.

We don’t need to save them, in fact that’s not helpful at all.

We just need to see them.