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I get stuck in ruts.

Life happens day after day and it’s always the same thing.

Make the same dinners, drive the children around, tidy up the same messes, do the same laundry, watch the same tv shows.

Then I start to impose rules and responsibilities on myself. 

I lose all of my creativity in the hum drum of life, and begin to just exist.
I have to be home by a certain hour, I have to get these things done, I have to do this that and the other thing.

In the meantime life loses its adventure, it’s playfulness and joy.

Sometimes I notice it while it’s happening, but there have been times I’ve let it go on for years.

The rules and responsibilities weigh you down, and you become tired, and then don’t have the energy to be creative or do something new.

It takes some effort.

It needs some rules to be broken (which is always a little bit fun).

Sometimes it takes some planning because you have to make sure the kids are taken care of so you can stay out late, or the business is taken care of so you can escape.

But it’s an important piece of the puzzle of life.

When you are unbounded by rules and responsibilities you feel young again, you feel free to explore, and have adventures.

Some of the best memories I have are from when I was doing what I wanted, even though it wasn’t necessarily what I “should” have been.

Some of the best stories have come from breaking the rules a little bit… like that one time I stayed up until 10pm ?

It keeps your spirit alive, your relationships interesting, and your creativity blooming.

Do more than just exist.

When was the last time you broke the rules?

“If happiness is the goal – and it should be, then adventures should be top priority.” – Richard Branson

I heard the term “deletion creatures” a long time ago.  It was describing humans and how our consciousness deletes more than it ever registers.
There was a story of a man who became a vegan, and all of sudden found tones of vegan restaurants on his daily commute that he had never seen in 5 years because he wasn’t aware of or looking for them.  Until then he had been deleting them instead of seeing them because vegan wasn’t his focus.

This week I have been mulling over a blog post surrounding the word beautiful.  I haven’t written it yet, because I wasn’t sure how to describe what I wanted to say.  I wanted to talk about the essence of having a beautiful life and adding beauty into my life just by focusing on it instead of deleting it.

Then serendipitously I was listening to a completely unrelated talk by Tony Robbins and he said “the only way to have a great life is to find beauty in whatever happens in life…because life it too short to suffer.”
He said the entire blog post I’ve been working on in my mind all week… in one sentence.   I love that mans mind!

And I really love when the answer I’m searching for bonks me right in the nose.

Life is so much easier when we don’t have to rely on our own devices to come up with the answers…they are shown to us if we just keep ourselves open.

To stay open so you can recognize the answers when they show up is just one of the ways to find beauty in whatever happens in life.

Sometimes it’s looking at the situation from a different view to see what’s good.

Sometimes it’s in the backwards gratitude of looking at how far you’ve come.

Sometimes it’s knowing that things are changing because to be stagnant means loss of vitality.

But the beauty is always there if you look for it.

I respect other people’s boundaries because I don’t want to cause them harm.

I’ve noticed that people who walk all over your boundaries, have extremely rigid boundaries. They are protecting themselves against “people like them” and will reprimand you for the slightest misstep. They aren’t worried about causing you harm, they are only worried about themselves.

You can learn a lot about a person by the way they are treating you. The hard part is figuring out that what they say and what they do is all about them and not about you.

Our ego always causes us trouble.

It stops us from speaking our truth, it isolates us from others, and it’s hurtful to any cause.

Why do we have such a mechanism? If you are like me and believe that everything has a purpose, what purpose can the ego serve?

I think it’s a learned behaviour and it’s sneaky because it can disguise itself as a protection mechanism.

Learning how my ego shows up in my life has been a profound journey. I realized my shyness came from ego, and so did my willingness to stay in unhealthy relationships and situations. I discovered that I was holding myself back and hiding, and when I was angry or blaming someone it was because of my ego.

Your ego never diminishes, it is part of being human. But the best humans are the ones who have worked to discover the ways it shows up, and moved forward without it.

The good news is, the more humble you become, the less hold your ego has on you.

It feels daunting to start something new.

It’s hard to be in the dark and not know the pieces or next steps.

I’m very visual. When I don’t see the big picture then I’m blank. Literally my mind is blank.

But even when you don’t know. You can still get there.

You have the frame work.

You know how to do the thing already because you have the basics of life mastered.

Somewhere in your life you’ve done something similar.

Look at how you did that other thing and apply it to this thing.

This doesn’t usually happen automatically. You might have to look for similarities.

If you’re starting a business and you need to plan then look at other ways you plan in your life. Maybe it’s dinner.

In order to make dinner you need to know what you want to make. You need to know all of the things that will be needed as ingredients and dishes and cookware. You need to know how to mix the ingredients, what temperature to cook at, and for how long.

You need to know all of those things for each dish you’re making.

That’s the framework you use. Then you switch it over to building a business

There are always little pieces you need to figure out or might look different but that’s ok. Now you are in familiar territory and you can begin.

I listen to podcasts, I have books on audio, and I follow teachers on social media.
And I read…a lot. 

I can’t remember the last time I bought a fiction book, there are some I would like to read but I feel like I have so much to learn I can’t get to them.

I have 3 different books on the go right now, one of which I’m both reading and listening to because I bought the audio version.  I read part then I listen to it on audio, then I read part then I listen on audio.

We filter so much information through our brains.
People are throwing facts, hacks, and tips at us left, right and center on social media.

Some of the things that match our worldview stick, and everything else falls to the wayside deleted from our existence.

We can constantly grow if we choose to.  We can grow up, and we can grow deeper

Eventually we come to a place where we can learn more and fine tune more about what we already know…and it just gives us more of the same results we have been getting.
Learning is important, but the experience is what changes us.

We need to get out and do things we have never done.

Stretch ourselves in ways we have never stretched.

The most positive change I have personally encountered is from showing up and experiencing new things in life.

Recently for me it was starting this blog, then it was speaking in public, then it was taking a marketing seminar, now it’s building a course.

When we get in the arena of life we have to deal with our shame tapes, “who do you think you are to be doing this?”   

We have to battle through the ‘why’ of what we are doing.  “Is this selfish or will it help others?”

We have to learn skills that we didn’t have any interest in learning, or use old skills in a new ways we didn’t know were important.  Tech skills, people skills, empathy skills, courage skills…there are  so many inside moving parts you don’t see from the outside.

And when we get through that, we have to test to see if our work resonates… and if it doesn’t, we start over.

All of this changes you.

It bring you to a new arena of life.

It helps you see things differently, meet new people, create new connections, and hopefully do something that matters.

It’s not easy.

In fact, starting is hard.

Sticking with it is really hard.

Seeing it through takes grit, tenacity, and resilience.  

But what else would you be doing?

We are all here, we might as well be spending our time doing something that matters, something that will change our lives and the people around us.

What new experiences can you create?

PS.  If you want to be kept apprised of the course I’m building for whole heartedness, sign up to my private email list below and I will drop you a line when I have more details.

When I was young I was told I was too sensitive. My feelings would get hurt easily.  

When I was little if people laughed at me I would cry, if someone looked at me the wrong way I would cry, I took everything personally.

I carried that around with me for a long time, until I finally did some counselling in my early 20’s.

My councillor changed my label from “too sensitive” to a highly sensitive person.

She gave me books to read and study companions to go with it.

Simply changing the label from being too sensitive, to embracing being sensitive changed my whole perspective.

20 years later I have completely flipped the way I feel about being sensitive, the more sensitive the better.

I have paid attention to other people’s sensitivity, and over the years have come to realize I very much enjoy other people who are also sensitive.

They pick up on subtle cues which is nice because I don’t always have to explain myself to them.

They also don’t like strong fragrances, strong tastes, and they notice when something (food, people, conversation, atmosphere) makes them feel bad, so they respect it when I feel that way.

They are easy to be around because they don’t get in your face and appreciate personal boundaries. 

They notice and are aware of when they have crossed a line, said something that offended you, or pushed a limit too far and they immediately retract and apologize for it.

There is a difference between being sensitive and emotional.

Sometimes it is hard to break the two apart because being sensitive heightens your awareness so much that it would seem like you are on a rollercoaster of emotions to people who aren’t.

We need to honour both our sensitivity and our emotions together and exclusively. 

Sensitivity is being keenly aware of what’s going on around you and outside of you.

Emotions are guidance from your heart, they are your internal compass that keeps you aware of what’s going on inside of you.  

If something makes you feel heavy or sick to your stomach, your emotions are  trying to tell you something is not healthy or right for you.  

If something makes you feel light, alive, and joyful, your emotions are telling you this is a good thing for you.

Being sensitive to what’s happening around you, and how it makes you feel will guide you to a life you love.

So if you’ve ever been told you are too sensitive, you are lucky.  The next time someone says it to you, smile and take it as a compliment.

In case you aren’t a horse person, it would be helpful for you to know that horses are relationship experts. That’s why they use them in therapy for prisoners, PTSD, group training, and spiritual/personal growth.

Getting a 1000 pound animal to communicate and work with you willingly requires you to understand they dynamics of clarity, energy, intention, trust, fear, questions, answers, and team work. There is a lot of moving parts.

Every part can be applied to human relationships.

I took a clinic from Dan Duckering several years ago and one of the concepts he talked about was Respect. He asked us, “what is the definition of respect?”

We think we know what respect looks like, but coming up with a simple definition was hard. So he told us.

“Respect is the balance between trust and fear”.

I think about this every time the subject of respect shows up in my life.

If respect is a balance of trust and fear, then very few people actually have respect, although most people think they do.

The people who lean on the side of fear mistake that for respect.

The people who lean on the side of trust mistake that for respect (this is me).

What does the balance look like? They trust you to look after them, to be there, and to support them, but they have just enough fear that they don’t walk overtop of you.

In horses this creates a beautiful partnership. You always pay attention to what the other one is capable of on their own and in their power. And from there, you work together.

I have a friend who is extremely loving and has a beautiful heart.  

But she’s been struggling and that struggle has led her to suffering. 

We would have some great talks that would be very insightful for her and things were starting to settle down in her life.  

One day she had decided she was being selfish because we had spent so much time talking about her struggle, so she decided to phone me with an agenda to solve my problems. 

I value her wisdom, and she always brings me insight that opens me up to the bigger picture when I’m suffering…but this time I wasn’t suffering when she decided to fix me.

I was at peace with my life and tried to explain this, but she thought otherwise.  

Our typical beautiful flowing conversation didn’t happen.  

The more it went on, the more defensive I felt. Finally I shut down and she continued to explain my problem and her solutions.
I know she had the best of intentions. I’ve done this myself before. 

I’ve walked into a situation with my own agenda to help someone.

But I have now learned, after being on both sides, we just have to meet each other where we are at.  

Every day is different and every day we are different people.  

We can’t plan, presuppose or presume we know more about someone else than they do.  

We need to meet each other with an openness and a curiosity for each other every single time.  

Then we can follow each other’s lead and offer insights and support to each other.  

That’s where the magic happens.  

There are lots of problems in the world.

There are big problems and small problems. There are complicated ones and easy ones.

The grass needs to be mowed.

The laundry needs to be washed.

The toilets need to be unplugged.

The budgets need to be balanced.

Relationships need to be sorted out.

And a million more problems that need to be diagnosed and then solved.

That’s your job as an adult.

You solve the problems.

However, you must realize that no matter what the problem is – you are never the problem.

You are enough.

You are not broken.

And you don’t need to be fixed.

No matter what anyone tells you…

No matter how many problems there are…

You are not the problem.

But you can be part of the solution.

I used to think deep down everyone wanted to be a good person.

I still believe the essence of everyone’s true self is pure and good, I have just come to realize that there are some people who have shut their hearts down for all future business.

I’ve learned that to the extent your heart is closed you are able inflict harm upon others.

When I first started opening my heart I allowed other people’s energetic daggers in. I remember one of my intuitive friends warning me that I was leaving myself open to be harmed.

When I first tried vulnerability I was doing the same thing, leaving myself vulnerable to the hurt other people brought to the table.

Somehow I got it turned around.

Opening my heart means to feel what is in it, love others, and be generous and kind. It has lead to a life rich with connection. It’s easy and hard all at the same time.

What it doesn’t mean is to live on someone else’s mountain and take on their hurts, allow them to tell me who I am, and let their pain become my pain.

My heart is still open, but the daggers don’t enter anymore.

I am a ranter.  

Typically I don’t rant out loud… I do it in my head. I’m quite certain if I did rant out loud, I would look like a crazy person.  

When I’m stuck in a rant I’m looking for justification for how I feel I’ve been mistreated by someone.  

It all starts with one thing.   One event or one conversation where I felt I have been wronged.  Where I was accused of something that wasn’t true, or I was being questioned about the way I’m doing something, or where I didn’t feel valued or acknowledged… 

Then watch out… my mind races to justify, blame and attack the enemy.  I will string together a series of events from anywhere in the last 20-30 years to find victory within myself.   It’s quite a production and in the end I have turned myself into a bit of a lunatic.

Recently I caught myself mid rant and stopped.  

These rants are exhausting.    There is no real pay off to them.  They only exist to serve my ego and create separateness between me and others.  Which admittedly feels good when I feel wounded, but doesn’t serve any real purpose in the grand scheme of life.  

My plan for next time is to catch myself before the ranting even begins.   To just acknowledge and accept how I’m feeling at the time without going to war in my mind.  

I want to stop trying to save my life from things that aren’t life threatening.  

There is so much information in the world right now about what you need to be doing to level up your life.

You need to exercise.

You need to meditate.

You need to journal.

You need to plan.

You need to set goals.

You need better habits.

You need a morning routine.

You need a bedtime routine.

You need to read books.

You need consistent daily action.

You need to spend time in nature.

You know what?

I think all of these things work. I think they all matter. And I think they will all support you while you improve your life and get closer to what it is you’re searching for.

You can’t do every single one every single day because nothing else would ever get done.

But you can choose a couple and make them a priority. And that alone will change your life.

Just for today take a look at what you’re already doing. If it is enough, then you are already winning even if the results haven’t shown up yet.

If you need a new priority, then pick one. And you are allowed to drop one if you need to. Sometimes change is the best thing for you.

All you need to do is something that will keep you moving forward.

Just for today let’s allow ourselves to flow with the world.

This time of year is ripe with feelings of scarcity. Scarcity thinking shows up in many different ways shapes and forms, if you’re feeling stressed by the season there is a good chance you are living in scarcity.

Maybe you feel like there isn’t enough time to get everything done, or there aren’t enough gifts under the tree. You could feel like there isn’t enough food on the table, or maybe there aren’t enough dollars in the bank account to cover it all.

Whatever way scarcity might be showing up in your life, remember it’s just a story you’re telling yourself, even though it’s probably very believable, we can always rewrite the story by changing the questions we are asking, the way we are looking at it, or simply “going with the flow”.

There is an abundance of flow at this time of year.

So just for today if the only abundant thing you can find to focus on is how fast things are flowing away from you, then at least you are seeing abundance somewhere. It’s always there, we live in an extremely abundant world full of all the things we could ever want or need.

You can feel truth when you land on it.

There is no judgement.

There is no defending truth. It stands on its own.

When you search for truth you don’t need to manipulate, or shame, or coerce.

All of the emotion and attachment fades away the closer you get to the truth. And once you land on it, the fear, and tears, and hurt feelings leave.

This means you can be emotionally neutral and diplomatic once you have found the truth.

When I need to have a hard conversation I wait until I have dug into the truth.

What is true about me? What is true about you? What is true about the situation?

Hard conversations are a whole lot easier when you first find the truth.

A child throwing a temper tantrum can be frustrating and sometimes embarrassing, but we don’t take it personally.

They can scream and kick, they might say they hate you or call you names, but we don’t consider it a personal attack.

The exact same behaviour from an adult or someone we consider an equal doesn’t land the same on us.

We take it personally, we feel threatened, and we lash out or turtle (I’ve personally always been in the turtle club).

I couldn’t see the similarities between an adult temper tantrum and a child temper tantrum for the longest time, and there are still times when an adult will catch me off guard.

As I’ve become less attached to other people’s emotional outbursts, and I have begun to learn how to separate my emotional self from someone else, it’s been shocking, and at times amusing to see how it is exactly the same underlying behaviour in both.

I’ve seen adults use a guilt trip, a pity party, yelling, crying, stomping their feet, and locking themselves in their rooms when they aren’t getting their way.

I often wonder if they have heard of compromise, negotiation or of considering the other persons feelings.

The one having the temper tantrum is always the most selfish, self centred, entitled and arrogant and they believe it’s ok to force their will in the name of what they want.

But this isn’t how the world works, and when I started to see it from this angle it became easier to boundary myself against it.

Whether they are an adult or a child, bad behaviour isn’t ok and we don’t have to allow it, succumb to it or engage with it.

We have every right to quietly stand our ground and let that person throw a wreck if they want.