I’m getting to know myself more and more all of the time.
The voice in my head used to think so many bad things and the older I get the more I realize there is always a choice. I can think the bad things or I can lean into what’s good. Sometimes I have to brave to lean into the good things which seems counterintuitive and wrong, but it’s true.
I have a lot more answers now than I ever had before and I see the world in a way that makes sense to me most of the time.
I find the hardest questions are what does this mean to me, and why do I feel this way?
Today is my birthday, and I’m wondering what that means and how I feel about it, so I’m going to take us on a journey through some of the things are standing out in my life right now.
It’s amazing to me that no matter what surprise life brings me, it always seems to be a little bit (or a lot) better than what was happening before. I don’t know why I’m so fortunate that way, but I’m thankful it always just keeps getting better.
I’m not where I thought I would be by now, not even close, but considering the gigantic detours I’ve taken, the choices I’ve made, and the person I’ve been, I’m pleased with how far I’ve come. I’m willing to bet that where I am now is a better place for me than all of the plans I had anyway.
I’ve been pleasantly surprised at the softness that comes over the years, and the softness I see in other people. A vulnerable open hearted “I’ve had my ass kicked and now I’m humble” attitude is one of my favourites, I see willingness and acceptance in others and I know those are my people.
I’ve learnt that great “things” are never as great as you think they will be, but they are always a little bit better than what you had before. It’s true that the best things in life aren’t things. They are your people, your growth, your experiences, and your contribution to others, they always leave me feeling better than I thought possible
I don’t understand time. I don’t know where it goes, how it works, and why a moment you want to hold on to goes fast, and a moment you want to get past hangs on forever. I am forever baffled by the concept but it has taught me that no matter what I’m going through, good or bad, that this too shall pass and there is no point holding on, just to always take in as much as possible.
If it weren’t for the greats like Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela, Ghandi and a whole lot of unknown hero’s taking a stand against darkness, change in our world never would have happened. I appreciate all of the people who have made our world the incredible place it is today. I’m learning that I have a responsible to stand up for what’s right instead of what’s easy. That I am privileged and I need to speak up for others who aren’t and it’s ok to expect others to do the same. I don’t have to accept mediocrity. I’m searching for ways to bring the light, be the light and shine the light on darkness as much as possible.
I am always surprised by the power of resistance. I hold ourselves back more than anything else ever could by my own beliefs about myself. That’s what the journey seems to be about, just getting over myself and all of the issues I have so I can move forward. Nothing is ever as bad as I think it’s going to be.
There are so many more things I’ve learned in the almost 15,000 days I’ve had to practice trying to get this gig right, and I’m sure there will be so much more to come as I continue on this journey. I’ll keep sharing them here in the days moving forward because writing has become a great tool for me to process it all.
I hope you’ll continue to join me because you are my people and I love you fiercely. Anything worth doing is always better when your people join you. Thanks for being a part of my journey.