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There are 2 ways to approach relationships.

The first one is by making everything about you, taking it all personally, and worrying about yourself.

The other way is to focus on the other person, to give generously, to put them first, to extend yourself on their behalf, and to make sure you keep what’s best for them in the forefront.

The first way is our default setting.

The second way takes consistent and conscious effort. It takes emotional labour, a lot of soft skills, and a high EQ.

The first way leaves you feeling like you can’t get enough, you feel like you need to preserve yourself, and use force to make things happen.

The second way fills your heart. It makes all of the extra work worth it, and it pays off in ripple effects that you might never anticipate or even know about. It’s powerful and works in mysterious ways, but you have to trust that the work is worth it and will be enough.

If you choose the first way you will always feel like there is more to life.

If you choose the second way, you will have to operate on faith and trust and expose yourself all of the time. You can’t protect yourself or you fall back into the first way.

But the good news is, you’ll never have to think about yourself because the more you try to help other people get what they want, the less you will ever want for anything else.

I have a lot of friends going through some really tough stuff right now. Like really hard, and it’s not slowing down for them. I wonder if this is the way for all of us right now, or if it’s just a midlife thing. We aren’t accepting mediocrity anymore, but as we level up towards a better life the path to get there is foreign and we stumble.

I’ve been inspired by so many brave women who are showing up in the world and leading the way. Oprah, Brenè Brown, Cheryl Strayed, Reese Witherspoon, and Elizabeth Gilbert.

As I think about my friends I know there aren’t a magic set of words that make everything ok, it’s a learning, an unravelling of layers of “safety”, sifting through priorities, and reassembling of life. It’s hard and it takes time.

Elizabeth Gilbert’s words keep ringing through my head… “The women I love and admire for their strength and grace did not get that way because shit worked out. They got that way because shit went wrong and they handled it. They handled it a thousand different ways on a thousand different days, but they handled it. Those women are my superheroes.”

My superhero’s are these women too, but they aren’t only women. My super hero’s are all of the people who are handling their shit even though it keeps coming fast and furious. You are warriors and I love you fiercely.

Just for today…

Decide to participate in life.

We get stuck in ruts, we exhaust ourselves doing the same things over and over. We think we know what we like, and we stick to it. But the excitement, challenges, and great stories happen outside of our comfort zone.

There are people all over the place trying to make things happen, and trying to share something with you. There are opportunities around several corners.

When you see something happening that’s new or interesting, consider joining in.

Find new opportunities to take part in, sign up for things you’ve never done.

You could help a brother out by jumping in with both feet into a pre-planned activity.

After all… life’s made for participating, you just have to try to survive.

Obstacles look like a dead end.

And so many times I’ve let them derail me.

I’ve stopped before I’ve got a hard no because I couldn’t take the rejection.

I’ve stopped because I didn’t think there was any point in trying.

I’ve stopped because I didn’t know how.

But I’ve learned that the only person who decides if you stop or not is you.

Sometimes an obstacle shows up because you need to learn more, or try something different.

Sometimes an obstacle shows up to redirect you.

Sometimes an obstacle shows up because someone else isn’t ready.

But an obstacle is not a dead end. In fact I don’t know if dead ends even exist anymore.

When I first started leaning more into tenacity and grit it took courage to keep moving after I hit an obstacle. So if you’re new to this expect to summon the courage to move beyond it.

Eventually that will shift and you sort out it takes less courage to keep going then to stop.

Stopping means things stay the same. Stopping means you won’t get to achieve your dreams. Stopping means dying because it’s not growing.

If you start to look at an obstacle as a problem to be solved it becomes a game to see how quickly you can remove it.

Obstacles aren’t meant to stop you, they are just there to show you what you don’t know and what you need to learn next.

I find a bit of structure to be beneficial.  The days I enjoy the least are the days that slip away and nothing gets accomplished.  

But when structure turns into routine it can get mundane and then deadly.  

Don’t let rountine eat you up… 

Start looking for more first times… 

Do something that scares you a little bit, give a speech or find a new way to put yourself out in the world.

Challenge yourself, set new goals.  

Talk to new people, and ask good questions.  You never know what you don’t know.  

Visit new places.  Get outside.   Explore.  

Enter a competition, that’s a good way to get your heart pumping!

Take a course.   Art is a great way to connect.  Or learn a new language with plans to visit their homeland one day.  

Whatever you do, don’t let life slip away not having experienced all that you can.  

You need to live a lottle… that’s like a little but it’s a lot.  

Just think of the places you could go!

On one of Seth Godins recent Akimbo podcasts, he talked about the reason we buy lottery tickets.

He said that we don’t buy them as a long term investment, we buy them because of the feeling we get when we buy them.

As self aware as I am in many areas of life, I can really lack awareness in the market place. I am a lottery ticket buyer and didn’t realize I was buying the feeling.

All decisions are emotional because they invoke a feeling within us.

How would that new car make you feel?

How does buying fresh veggies at the farmers market make you feel?

How does going to a chiropractor or the gym make you feel?

What will having the latest and greatest technology feel like?

First we buy the feeling, then we expect the results.

The more we believe in the feeling we will get because of what we are buying, the more we look for the reasons to justify it after the fact.

I used to grab my phone when my alarm would go off in the morning and begin to check emails and social media, immediately filling my mind with the busyness of the world.  

The thoughts and shared ideas of hundreds of people filling my mind and making it scattered and feeling like the Facebook feed.  

I literally had no idea what effect this was having on me until I started writing in the mornings.  

In order to write what I write, I have to really connect with myself and make sense of my thoughts and feelings.  It requires a lot of quiet introspection. Writing my way through a subject gets my brain back on track, remembering that no matter what the odds, life will turn out well if you want it to.

Connecting to myself helps me find a gauge for where I’m at physically and emotionally before my day starts.  Working through thoughts and feelings clears them and centres me.      

This sets my day up beautifully.  As long as I write before I social media, by the time my day starts I feel much more clear, grounded and optimistic as opposed to having numbed busy thoughts and feelings that easily trigger worry and anxiety in me.   

This is serendipitous and I love these kinds of surprises.   

Who knew they were serious about the benefits of having a morning routine?

I recommend you share what’s in your heart.

It doesn’t seem to matter what’s in there as long as its real.

People love real and raw emotion.

My energy therapist explained this to me a few years ago. She said something like, “you know Jode, when you speak from your head it hurts people and they don’t hear you, but when you speak from your heart they listen and connect with you.”

That advice has been life changing for me.

Speaking from experience, sometimes it takes a minute or 6 months to figure how to speak from your heart on a certain subject because we aren’t always connected to our hearts. But once you do, it will never lead you astray.

It’s magic.

I had no idea about energy or vibration. I didn’t know what made us tick or how things worked.

I spent a lot of time thinking about what I didn’t like in my life. I didn’t like where we lived, I didn’t like that I didn’t have a vehicle of my own, I didn’t like cleaning or doing laundry, and I didn’t like being broke all of the time.

I felt lonely, drained, invalidated, and usually like a doormat. I was one of the moms who got together on play dates with the kids and then sat around and complained about my husband and how he didn’t help, wasn’t around, and I was all on my own.

Mom invited me to take a horse clinic with her, and I went. It had been a few years since I had done any riding to speak of because I had babies and no vehicle to get to the barn.

That clinic was a turning point in my life journey. I remember thinking at the time that he was teaching me things I already knew, but didn’t know I knew and didn’t have the vocabulary for.

He taught us “horse whispering”, which is amazing in itself, but I learned so much more than that.

I learned how to feel my personal space and energy bubble. This was huge for me because once I learned that then I was able to determine where my energy center was. It was supposed to be in the middle of my bubble and in the middle of me, but it wasn’t.

I was “hanging” my energy center outside of myself which made me feel unprotected and vulnerable in all of the wrong ways. I was literally giving my energy away to other people and had no idea because I wasn’t consciously aware of it.

Learning how to control my energy bubble and being aware of my personal space started to bring clarity to what was energetically mine, and what wasn’t mine. In that bubble I learned how to feel centered and grounded, and that changed everything for me.

When you are centered and grounded you are in alignment with your higher self and stand in your own power, and the longer you live in your own power, the better life gets.

You can decide what is best for you and what isn’t. You can make choices confidently to reflect those decisions. You stop focusing on what doesn’t work in your life, and begin to focus on what does.

You can reach out to others because you are full inside. You understand that everything is happening as it should. You easily allow others to be on their journey because you are on yours.

You find balance in life. You stop looking for outside resources to fulfill you, and stop feeling empty and unfulfilled and begin to feel full on the inside

You can give love because you have infinite love to give. The more love you give, the more love you receive and you become a self propelled love machine.

All of this comes as a result of first knowing your own energy and that it exists.

I still lose my personal power occasionally. I still feel uncentered, unprotected, and unbalanced at times. I just spent a few days giving it all away again. We all do it sometimes. But now within a few days I can figure out what’s happening and I course correct quickly because I know how.

I teach you how to feel your energy bubble in my self awareness class because it’s such an important foundation exercise. It’s the beginning and the end and so much in between.

My self awareness class is designed with the intention to give you the tools to help you become stronger, more clear and self assured in your life.

I share what I learned that helped my journey towards responding to life and living in my own power, instead of reacting to everyone and everything around me. It will help you too.

This journey takes time to unfold, the learning is simple, but deep.

When you don’t know what you know, you can’t make the conscious choice to use it. That’s where I was stuck. I knew what I didn’t want but had no idea how to get what I did want. I was walking around half numb and half a ticking time bomb.

Everything has changed now that I learned how to be a horse whisperer.

Remember Newton’s 3rd law of physics?

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

My parents were fairly strict growing up, so I knew that crossing certain lines were going to get me in trouble, but I certainly didn’t understand the far reach of my choices.

Every time we feel unlucky or victimized in life I think we aren’t seeing the whole picture. We are neglecting to see the power we have to choose differently and get a different result, or a new consequence.

Not understanding the depth of Newton’s law makes it almost impossible to find a new path out because we don’t realize that our power lies in our choices.

Every single time you sacrifice yourself, there is a consequence to it because for every action there is a reaction.

Every time you sacrifice your integrity, don’t put up a boundary, or you say yes to what you don’t want, there is a consequence.

The good news is that consequences aren’t only negative. There are positive consequences too.

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

When you are generous, integral, respectful, kind, and thoughtful there is a reaction.

When you say yes to what you want… there is a reaction.

When you set a boundary, there is a reaction.

You build trust and relationships, you build community, and you build a fulfilling life that feels entirely supported by the universe.

Just like the law of gravity doesn’t take a break neither does Newton’s law. It exists whether we like it or not.

Being super mindful of your choices pays off.

Valentines Day.  

The day you are supposed to love and be loved by your special person, show it all day long, and if you’re lucky enough someone will reciprocate it back to you.  

I spent the first two Valentines evenings of my new life alone at Costco.  

It was hard to be “alone” when the day rolled around but Costco was a pretty neutral safe place to be while it seemed all of the people I knew were going to dinner and movies.  

Time really does change things.  

I’ve watched so many people feel like their significant other isn’t fulfilling their needs,  and they spend years thinking about different ways to try to make them understand what they need.
I’ve done it.  When I was feeling empty and unloved and my needs weren’t being met I had someone I could blame for it.   And I did.  

Until there was no one around to expect it from and no one there to blame when it didn’t show up.

There was only me.  

The day I married myself, I stopped relying on someone else to fill my love tank.  

And I learned that the more we rely on someone else to love us and look after us, the more it hurts when they can’t or don’t and we waste precious moments filled with hurt, blame and resentment towards them for when they didn’t or couldn’t show up for us.  
The more we are loved and fulfilled by ourselves, the more we can be present to enjoy the time we get to connect with our loved ones or significant others.

I am sending my love out to all of you and sincerely hope you love yourself enough today to be able to receive it.❤️

Every once in a while I like to share some of the things that I think have been excellent or that I am really enjoying.  Today seemed like a great day to do that because I have some really great things to share right now!

What I’m Reading:  Leadership & Self Deception by The Airbinger Institute.  I had lunch with one of my really smart friends Dan Duckering a couple of weeks ago and he mentioned that he suggests everyone he works with reads this book.  When I hear a recommendation like that I jump at it.  I just finished this book and it did not disappoint!  It captured me and I have noticed my worldview has been changed since reading it.  I am a better human for reading this book.  This book is highly recommended by me.

What I’m Listening To:  NPR How I built this Podcast .  This is an excellent podcast featuring all sorts of entrepreneurs and how they built their businesses.  He did an extremely inspiring podcast with Blake Mycoskie, founder of Toms Shoes that I listened to several times and my kids even enjoyed listening to with me.  Blake’s story is a really great story and if this doesn’t make you want to change the world, I don’t know what will.

What I Am Grateful For:  Canada Geese that fly low and talk to each other, warm winter mornings, fresh air, blue Alberta skies, belly laughs, art that moves you, connection with life, horses, indoor arenas, my health, my mobility, real food, family, and friends.

Quote I Am Pondering:  If you get careless or go romanticizing scientific information, giving it a flourish here and there, Nature will soon make a complete fool out of you.”
― Robert M. Pirsig

What I’m watching:  Lately I have been watching more movies than normal because I am trying to stop “doing” all of the time.  We went to see A Star Is Born with Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga.  I am not a movie critic, but I was so impressed with the acting.  Typically when you put a rock star in an acting role the performance is less than stellar, but Gaga was so believable I felt like we were getting to know the real her, and Bradley Cooper is a favourite of mine… who knew he could sing like that?  This beautiful song clip will spoil the movie, so don’t watch it unless you are ok with that.

I would love to hear what you have going on or what you have found that you love. Please share in the comments. After all, sharing is caring

It’s risky to have a dream. And it feels very vulnerable to chase one because what if it doesn’t work out?

I have a pretty neat job where I get to watch people take the first step toward their dream.

Generally you can learn a lot about people by watching their relationship with money, and when money and dreams collide, there is a moment where you get a glimpse inside.

This week I’ve watched two customers push themselves outside of their comfort zone and take the first step towards a dream.

But they almost always hesitate before making the final decision.

I am genuinely curious to see what’s holding them back so I’ve started to ask them why they are hesitating

Interestingly, it doesn’t seem to matter what the reason is that they give me, just speaking it out loud helps them release the objection so they can move forward.

It’s a magical moment when their dream takes priority over their insecurity about their due diligence, or spending the money.

My favourite part is always the people and watching them overcome themselves.

Just for today be intentional with how you spend your time.

The greatest gift is free time, but sometimes when we end up with too much of it we aren’t intentional about how we spend it.

When there is empty space in our lives, it always gets filled in one way or another.

Pay attention to what inspires you and do more of that. If you don’t know where to start, remember that play and creativity make our souls shine.

You could work on building a new skill or improving one, read to improve your game, network with others, help others with what they want to accomplish, write a book (if nothing else, write it so your family can learn what you know), practice better social skills, or create something.

There is so many productive things you can do with your time. Just for today make a mental list of what you could do and the next time you find yourself with open space, fill it with intention.

Our time is precious and should never be wasted.

I went on a book buying spree buying books that I thought might teach me how to be happy. Unhappiness seems almost like an epidemic. So many people search for happiness, and I was one of them. Our lives are hard and stressful and bad things happen.

I never read the books because in my search I heard Tony Robbins sum it up in two sentences.

“Progress equals happiness. If you stop growing, you’re going to be unhappy.”

Sometimes when you hear something, you can feel the truth in it. That was how his words hit me.

I have become aware that every time I struggle it’s usually because I’m not moving my feet. I am stuck, looking for a break, living in fear of the future, over thinking, or hiding.

I’ve learned there is nothing you can do that is a waste of time. Focusing on forward movement of any kind is everything when it comes to happiness. There are a million things you can do to get rolling again.

Start before you’re ready.

Be productive.

Learn more.

Apply what I’ve learned.

Practice.

Show up.

Be brave.

Try again.

Find a way.

Make a decision.

Grow.

Transform.

Move forward.

It’s really quite simple. The more I have focused on growth and progress the happier I am. There is something fun about stretching yourself, figuring life out, and discovering what works.

Looking for an opportunity to coast, slow down, or stop, only builds resistance in you. It’s not the answer.

What can you do today to contribute to your own happiness?

You can’t do a good deed with a selfish intention and still call it good.

Your inside needs to be lined up with the outside. That’s what makes for a pure heart. People can feel the difference between a pure heart and a selfish intention.

The same goes for the people around you.

You don’t need to sell your soul to someone who has done you a favour when they are simultaneously stabbing you in the back.

And the truth is… if you do think you need their “favours” it’s probably time to work on your faith.

The universe supports you, and it sets you up for progress and growth and it helps you to become the person you want to be. It will take you places you can’t imagine.

But you have to have faith in the process and trust that it’s taking you somewhere better.

Or you will keep allowing that knife to stab you in the back and think you need that persons “favour”. You don’t need their favour, the universe will help you, you just need to move past your resistance.

If you didn’t need money… what would you do?

Would you watch Netflix all day?

Would you travel?

Would you play?

Would you just constantly indulge yourself?

It’s an interesting question.

And one that might help you figure out the legacy you want to leave.

Because life isn’t really all about the money… it just seems like it is.