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Sometimes our problems feel bigger than us.

Things begin going exactly opposite of what we expected, or circumstances change in ways that no longer fit with the plans we had.

Every once in a while we find ourselves trying extra hard to control a situation to make it fit in our box.

This can bring feelings of anger, frustration, and overwhelm.

But everything doesn’t have to fit in our box.

We don’t have to be the solver of all of the worlds problems.

We can’t ever see the bigger picture.

Turn these problems over to a higher power.

If you don’t know the solution, maybe it’s because it’s not your problem to solve.

Surrender. Wave the white flag.

If nothing else, doing so will help you to move forward again. And forward movement is all that matters.

Change is often sparked by a deep unhappiness with our current circumstances.  I’ve been there.  I kept “putting up” with the parts of my life I didn’t like because I had no idea how to change them.  

Trying to remain positive about my life was exhausting.  Some days everywhere I looked I would be thinking, I don’t like this and I can’t stand that.  I rarely spoke of any of it because I didn’t want to be a complainer and I would usually apologize if I did (major inner conflict happening there).  

I heard someone say as long as we keep thinking about the things we don’t like, they will never change.  

At first I found this was almost impossible.   It seemed everything I didn’t like was slapping me in the face all day long.

But then I learned how to do it.  

You take all of the things you don’t like, and use them to help you sort out what you want.  

For example, instead of complaining that you don’t have enough money, you think about what you would like to do with extra money…  “I want to have enough money to take my family on a holiday every year”.

What you want becomes your focus instead of what you see.  It’s a little bit like mental gymnastics at first.  Especially when you are in the habit of thinking about things you don’t like.    

But magically, bit by bit over time, your brain begins to figure out a way to make what you want happen, and the universe conspires to help.   

This is what they call the law of attraction.  

It is worth your time to stretch your brain into thinking bigger.

That can mean any number of things.

It might mean that you look for ways to love instead of fight.

It might mean that you turn an obstacle into an opportunity.

It might mean that you improve a relationship that seemed hopeless.

It might mean that you create something that didn’t exist before.

It might mean that you find a new way to relate.

Whatever expands your brain into new territory is good, and whenever you can take what you are doing and expand that, its better.

Once your brain expands, and sees things that can be bigger and better, it can’t contract or go back to where it was.

It is worth it to think bigger. It will change you.

If you watched Finding Nemo, you would know that clown fish live in sea anenome.

The sea anenome sting most fish but the clown fish are immune to its sting, so it is well protected within the anenome.

The clown fish chases away other fish that try to feed on the anenomes tentacles, and it also takes food that is too large for it to eat and shoves it into the anenomes mouth to feed it.  The bigger the anenome the bigger clown family can live there.

The relationship is called mutualism.

They have each other’s backs, and they encourage growth within each other.

We can learn so much from nature.

They are helping each other in the way they need it, not in the way they “think” the other needs it.

They aren’t trying to control each other.
They aren’t trying to change each other.

They aren’t sabotaging, competing, dominating, rescuing, discriminating, degrading, or taking advantage of each other.

They are working together for the greater good of each other.

Why do we have such a hard time with this?

I used to want to impress people with what I know and who I am.

I am pleased to report, that has shifted… for now. My ego pops up without me recognizing it, but it has taken a back seat this time… that’s a relief for me.

The self awareness class I’m offering is tomorrow night.

When I’m starting new things I get bogged down… and yes I have bogged myself down.

I want to be prepared, think of all angles, not miss a moment or an opportunity to allow for the magic to happen… yes this is what’s bogging me down.

I want to start at the top, have everything perfect, and knock your socks off (yes, I love to knock socks off).

But this time it’s not about me.

This time it’s about being the facilitator so that magic can happen for others and I can’t wait to see how it shows up.

Yesterday’s ‘Just For today’ reminder allowed me to bring joy back in and I brought it back all day long. The heavy load lifted and I felt lighter and each time I consciously remembered to choose joy instead of burden.

Today I feel light, and excited, like I’m on the right track by offering this class. I am also slightly terrified, which is a good sign. It means I’m doing something that matters to me.

Life is hard and fun and terrifying all at the same time right now and I’m just going to ride the wave.

I hope your wave is full of life right now too.

It’s most obvious to blame the symptom and it’s also much easier than searching for the problem.

Overweight means you need to lose fat.

Broke means you need to make more money.

Unhappy means you need to have fun.

Bad grades means you need to study for the test.

Except none of this ever works long term. When you only see the symptom you burn out because you’re chasing it.

The symptom is only a manifestation of what’s already in play.

Overweight could mean your body systems aren’t functioning properly. Your liver could be sluggish, your gut probably isn’t functioning properly, and your hormones are taking over. You might not be able to tolerate certain foods, you could be lacking minerals in your diet, or you might have toxic levels.

Broke might mean you are living in scarcity and that you’re preserving yourself more than you’re contributing to society. It could be a sign that you’re selfish, or don’t have any self discipline.

Unhappiness could be a result of always putting others first and not making time for the things that light you up. You might need to learn boundaries and how to say no. Maybe you need to learn to receive good things in life, like help, gifts, or friendship. Maybe you need a dog ❤️

Bad grades might be because you didn’t learn how to learn. You might not know what clarity feels like or understand how to search for the answer. It’s possible you need to return to basics to fill in the gaps so you can move forward.

It’s a lot harder to figure out the problem than the symptom. It takes more time and a larger understanding, and you have to be brave enough to tackle it. The problem is overwhelming, and it’s hidden far beneath the surface.

We all know this. The symptoms have been showing up for years. But sometimes we need a reminder to look a little deeper into what is going on. Because on top of all of that, things change so fast that you can’t fix today’s problems with yesterday’s answer (-Einstein).

Declaring yourself as a beginner is better than declaring yourself an expert.

When you’re a beginner there are no expectations. You haven’t done it before and you aren’t expected to know how.

The problem is that we aren’t good at accepting that we are beginners.

We expect ourselves to know better and be better because we are old enough now.

When you change your story about what’s happening you change the whole situation.

You can try new things if you remember you are a beginner. It takes all of the pressure off needing to be perfect.

There are 2 ways to approach relationships.

The first one is by making everything about you, taking it all personally, and worrying about yourself.

The other way is to focus on the other person, to give generously, to put them first, to extend yourself on their behalf, and to make sure you keep what’s best for them in the forefront.

The first way is our default setting.

The second way takes consistent and conscious effort. It takes emotional labour, a lot of soft skills, and a high EQ.

The first way leaves you feeling like you can’t get enough, you feel like you need to preserve yourself, and use force to make things happen.

The second way fills your heart. It makes all of the extra work worth it, and it pays off in ripple effects that you might never anticipate or even know about. It’s powerful and works in mysterious ways, but you have to trust that the work is worth it and will be enough.

If you choose the first way you will always feel like there is more to life.

If you choose the second way, you will have to operate on faith and trust and expose yourself all of the time. You can’t protect yourself or you fall back into the first way.

But the good news is, you’ll never have to think about yourself because the more you try to help other people get what they want, the less you will ever want for anything else.

The best part about vacation is that you leave your worries and responsibilities behind. All of the deadlines, timelines, pressure and hard part of life seem to melt away and you are left with moments where you can simply enjoy living. You enter a temporary alternative reality, it feels good and it’s good for your health.

One of the best stress busting techniques I’ve found recently is to intentionally create mini temporary alternative realities in my life where I give myself permission to take a mini vacation from life. Sometimes it’s spending a morning with a friend, maybe it’s watching a really good movie, taking a class, or a 5 minute walk outside.

I was intuitively finding these places before, but being aware of the power they have I create them for myself and make the most of them when they show up.

If you don’t have 2 weeks to get away for a vacation, then create a temporary alternative reality for at least 5 minutes per day for 2 weeks. The important part is to allow yourself to feel free of every burden and responsibility in whatever amount of time you have.

I used to be a chronic “what if” girl.

I would play out scenarios in my head until I had myself so tied in knots over all of the bad possibilities of what could be.

One scenario would lead to the next, and to the next until I would have myself all wound up.  I would have a knot in my stomach, shaking legs, and jumbled thoughts.

I did this for years.

Over time, I realized that no matter how bad something was, it was never as bad as I imagined it was going to be.

The storm didn’t blow my house away, the person wasn’t as angry as I thought, the bee sting didn’t hurt like I thought it would.

I have started to realize that we all have incredible imaginations but that we are terrible “future tellers”.

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. – Lao Tzu

So far every time I’ve checked, in this moment I am always ok.

And that’s the best place to hang out.

We each have our own mountain to live on.

Your mountain is all about you. It is made up of your truth, your values, and your beliefs. It’s where we stand and it’s all of the things we stand for. It’s the things that are important to you.

When we are on our mountain we are in our power and our light shines brightly.

Relationships make this hard because you share a common goal, and they easily get into trouble when our mountains are not clear. You cannot live on someone else’s mountain, and you cannot force someone to live on yours.

What is important to you, isn’t the same for someone else.

I used to live on other people’s mountain all of the time. That was what I thought love was. I saw it as helping and supporting. But it wasn’t helping at all.

But you can’t push your values and priorities onto someone else. At best it pushes them away and causes resentment, at worst you become completely enmeshed and codependent and it creates all sorts of unhealthy patterns.

A greater form of love is to respect and allow the other person space to be on their journey. When they ask for help or guidance, you teach or share what you’ve learned on your mountain.

You help where you can, but you always stay on your mountain, living your truth and what is important to you.

When you remain clear about your mountain you can lead, when you aren’t clear you become lost in your quest.

By staying on my mountain I remain in my power. I keep climbing my mountain and clearing my path. It’s given the people around me space to climb their mountain. In turn we are all learning the life lessons we are meant to learn and becoming the best versions of ourselves along the way.

Inside the roles we play are all sorts of expectations which come from both sides of the equation. I expect my role to look like this, and you expect my role to be something different… and that goes both ways. For every 2 person interaction there are at least 4 sets of expectations to deal with, if you add a person you exponentially add more expectations. It gets complicated very quickly.

We assume roles all of the time.

We take on the role a friend, a spouse, or a parent and then we take on different roles within those relationships. Maybe we hire someone to perform a service or do a job and we each play a role in those relationships too.

Our lives are filled with the roles we play and the roles others take on.

I used to only focus on doing what everyone wanted me to do. The questions I asked myself were about what others would think. How can I do the best job possible? How can I please others? Who can I impress? How do I make sure I don’t break the rules and upset anyone?

I used to be afraid to ask for what I needed or communicate about what I expected because I didn’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. It was so bad that when we hired a young receptionist who would happily only write down 6 digits of a 7 digit phone number and give us the message. I didn’t ever say anything to her.

Then I learned about this beautiful thing called accountability.

When I started putting myself out into the world in ways that would keep me accountable to show up (a blog was born), it taught me about a different kind of role in my life. One where I was holding myself accountable to others that didn’t have an expectation of me. I had stepped up and said you can count on me to show up everyday and write something.

The more I became aware of how being accountable to others helped me to be better, the more I have become comfortable with holding others accountable too.

We are usually all on the same page because we want to do a good job of whatever we are doing. I don’t very often see someone set out to fail.

Not only is it ok to hold each other accountable, it’s necessary. When we kindly hold each other accountable to the roles we have taken on we are helping each other and all of the others who might not be speaking up or know better.

It’s June 1st. What has happened to us this year?

Like really. What is happening?

Talking with a good friend last night who has a story similar to mine and he said, “I’ve been through so much that I have confidence I can get through anything”

I would have said the same thing at one time.

Life is a rollercoaster of ups and downs. And boy haven’t we had our share of those this year?

I can’t even remember all of the things but I remember talks of war at the beginning of the year, then a pandemic, NASA reported aliens, now racial wars and looting in the states.

I’m not going to lie, it’s affecting me. I’ve been here before, and yet I’m full of anxiety.

The good news is I have the tools. I can be uncomfortable and keep moving forward.

I can be afraid and keep my heart open.

I can be uncertain and brave at the same time.

Because I know it’s all going to be ok.

I am just overwhelmed and over stimulated. But I can evidence and know that everything is ok because everything is always ok. Even if it doesn’t feel that way.

Just for today I want you to know that everything is ok, and everything is always going to be ok.

The situation, the circumstances, and the environment might be telling you different sometimes… but we are built to survive – and thrive.

And everything is ok.

Happy June 1st. Let’s do this.

I saw someone the other day I hadn’t seen for a while, and he smirked at me.
Our recent history has been anything but good.

For the first time in my life,  I felt like I had someone out to get me.  He was constantly scheming up ways to mess with my sense of safety.

When I saw his smirk, the immediate question that popped into my mind was “what is he up to now?”

I love the power question asking has, but I find we have to be very careful with it sometimes.

The wrong questions can give you bad answers, the right questions can change an entire situation because our brains are wired to find answers no matter what.

I just love it when someone says, “maybe we are asking the wrong question.”

As my mind raced to find the answer to “what is he up to?”, my anxiety began to rise as I was anticipating the worst.

I began to notice the change in how I was feeling over the next several minutes of mind racing, which prompted me to come up with a new question, “do I really want to make up an answer about what he is up to?”

That answer was a definite no.   He is not someone I want to tap into and fully understand, or outguess, and I stopped assuming I could guess the answer.

And with that, my mind stopped racing and my anxiety began to settle.

This might be the first time I have consciously caught myself asking the wrong questions, coming up with bad answers…and then changing my question.

One year at the awards banquet in 4-H I was awarded Miss WhoWhatWhenWhereWhy.
It seems I have always loved asking questions, now I know for sure the difference a question can make, I’m going to be more careful.

And guess what?  He hasn’t done anything… yet.   Maybe that was his new ‘friendly smile’ instead of a smirk.

I used to be comfortable with not contributing to society. I trusted that other people had things under control and that they genuinely wanted to do what they were doing. It was their path or their calling… it just wasn’t for me, I had enough going on in my world.

After a series of consecutive life lessons, I realized that people contribute to society because they care about the greater good for everyone. Those people are in service of others and they care about making the world a better place. Those people are generous and admired for the value they create in the world, and that I valued their contribution. Those people helped make my life better, and most of them didn’t even know it.

What if those people had been just like me? What if they were so wrapped up in their world, that they weren’t contributing to society either?

What kind of world would we live in if everyone only cared about their own?

That’s when I started to change my ways.

This morning I was asking myself, “how can I bring more value to the people around me?”

When I realized the question I was asking, I thought about the person I used to be and I smiled. I now feel obligated to do my part to make the world a better place. This is a much happier and fulfilling space to be in.

What if nobody cared to make the world a better place?

I’m not a fighter, I’m a lover.

I used to tiptoe around people.

I didn’t want to upset them, be the cause of their unhappiness, or be the focus of their wrath.

I would keep my mouth shut, not speak my truth, and lose my voice trying to keep the peace.

But then I realized all of the problems I was creating by keeping quiet.

I was allowing bad behaviour in others and teaching them it was ok to treat me poorly by never correcting it or standing up for myself.

I was taking responsibility for how others felt instead of letting them own their own feelings and learn from them.  We learn from joy and from pain.  Emotions are our guides and I was robbing them the opportunity to grow and be faced with emotion.

I was caught in a life and relationships I didn’t want to be in because I didn’t speak up for what I wanted.

And as I lived this way, my kids were learning to do the same by watching me.

Because I didn’t want to fight, I was teaching people it was ok to walk all over me.

Because I didn’t speak my truth, I wasn’t giving myself a chance to live the life I wanted.

Because I backed down, I gave them more power.

So I started speak my truth a little bit.

At first it was met with a lot of scorn, judgement, and sometimes rage.

The bad behaviour in the people I had taught to treat me poorly escalated instead of improved until they began to realize I wasn’t going to be shut down by them anymore.   

We are treated the way others treat us because we allow it to be that way.
When there isn’t a payoff for the bad behaviour for the other person anymore, or in other words you don’t succumb, you don’t concede, you don’t oblige, and you don’t conform to their ideas and opinions that don’t work for you… eventually the either person has to do something different.

Sometimes they begin to ask the question..  “what is it you want?”

And sometimes they don’t ever begin to care what you want and they give up the fight and call you unreasonable.

That choice is theirs to make.

In the end, my payoff  was huge.

I live in more peace now than I ever did when I was always trying to keep the peace before.

I live by my truth, and I answer the call of my heart, and the only people allowed in my inner circle are the ones who support and encourage that in me.

They were right when they told me it wouldn’t be easy.

But they were also right when they said it would be worth it.

I’ve been reading Power vs. Force by Dr. David Hawkins, who has measured and documented energetic frequencies of consciousness, thoughts, people, places and things. In his research he concluded that “the difference in power between a loving thought and a fearful thought is so enormous as to be beyond the capacity of the human imagination to easily comprehend”.

This is important to know because you can make an impact simply by your state of grace.

On a personal level if you find a few truly loving thoughts every single day, you will easily counterbalance all of the negative thoughts you’ve had.

On a community level, consistent acts of kindness that come from love counterbalance a lot of the negative ones.

On a global level, the more time you spend seeking out love, joy and bliss within yourself through compassion, forgiveness, hope and courage, the greater counter balancing effect you will have on cultures that are enslaved by darkness.

I used to want to save the world.

I would get myself into all sorts of trouble and surround myself with all sorts of the ‘wrong people’ with my desire to help individuals who I believed were suffering.

Slowly but surely over time I have come to realize that the best shot I have at saving the world is to first save myself.

To practice forgiveness instead of regret…

To look for meaning instead of despair…

To seek understanding instead of disappointment…

To find love instead of blame…

and to learn how to be compassionate towards myself and all living things.

Through these simple but ‘oh so hard’ choices I can counterbalance exponential amounts of negativity in the world… can you imagine what we could do together?

“When it’s work, people want to do less of it.   When it’s art, people want to do more of it.” ~Seth Godin at TEDed Youth (you can watch the 15 min talk here).
If this is true… how can you apply it to what you’re doing right now?
How can you turn your work into art.
Selling is an art.
Design is an art.
Finishing is an art.
Communication is an art.
Connection is an art.
Building is an art.
Teaching is an art…and so is learning.
Which means parenting, mentoring, managing, and training is an art.
Want to get inspired about what you’re doing?
Turn it into art.
Art is creative, and messy, and beautiful, and appreciated by everyone.

It comes from a place deep inside that is unique to you.

Connect to that place.   Embrace that place.   

Live in that space.

And you will never run out of inspiration.